04/11/2021
I have a few followers that don’t know my Mamas personal story.... so I thought I should post it here. In March 9th, 2017... my beautiful Mama was diagnosed with AML leukemia. She was 60 years old. She had been feeling off for about a month before and ended up going to the ER with a swollen lymph node under her ear and throat. We really thought it was something that an antibiotic would fix. I met her in the ER and I took her home. It wasn’t an hour later and a DR from Sanford oncology called us back and said he would like to do a bone marrow biopsy. So the next day she left work for lunch to do the procedure and never ended back at her office again. When I went to clean her office out it was as it was when she left for lunch months before. Sanford ended up calling her back in about 30 minutes after her biopsy. My brother and I both met her there obviously worried about what they would say. They put the 3 of us in a little clinic room and we waited for the results. The oncologist didn’t waste time telling us our beautiful, full of life mom was dying by the hour... not by years or even months or days. She had an aggressive form of leukemia and would need to be admitted immediately and start chemo that same day. It all went so fast that I don’t think we had time to let that news really sink in. I just remember hearing him say leukemia and my whole body started to feel tingly and numb. She went home and packed a small bag and we all met back at the hospital. I had zero knowledge about leukemia or what the next days or months would be like. I thought to myself.. “ok... this is going to be ok. She’ll get a round of chemo and that will kill it and that will be that”. I was very wrong. Who knew there was so many different kinds of chemo a person could take. We started with something called induction chemo. An aggressive form taken for 7 days straight. After that 7 days we were informed that “blasts” were still showing up and that round had infact not killed her cancer. So we started another round. This time it worked!!! I remember FaceTiming my dad bawling my head off “she’s in remission”!! I was so happy. But that wasn’t the end. This is when all the talk started about genetic testing and a thing called a stem cell transplant. Our Dr informed us that the only way our mom could ever be “cured”, would be to get the transplant.... which was very risky and the cut off age was 60. Her current age and we had to be moved to Avera hospital. She was super healthy and feisty before all this so we had no doubt that she would make it. We started by getting her siblings all tested first for a match. Unfortunately, her other 4 siblings were not a match, but they did have 10 other DNA matches that we could pick from that had willingly offered stem cells from Be The Match. So we picked our perfect person (angle), a 22 year old man from over seas. So on July 5th 2017, she got her transplant, which isn’t as big of a deal as you would think... she got a small bag of stems cells through her IV and 20 minutes later it was done. Very anticlimactic. This was when the waiting started. She spent 100 days in the hospital while her body went to zero immunity and started building back up with her donor cells. She would be a whole new person literally. The transplant changed her completely from her looks to her personality... a SCT is not for the weak let me tell you. She was tired, she lost her long pretty hair and she was depressed. After she was released to go home it was a constant struggle between infections, infusions and just the will to keep going like that everyday. She didn’t enjoy anything that she did before. She was forced to retire from a job she loved and did for 30 years. Everything was different. No more shopping trips and lunches on the weekends... no more anything but filling her pills and begging her to go for a walk. She came to live with me 3 separate times because I felt like I was the only one who could take care of her and “love” her back to health... which definitely wasn’t the case, but she enjoyed being here with her grandkids and I felt better being able to keep an eye on her. She got better.... like a lot better!! I remember her say sing to me, “I think I’m going to make it”! And of course I agreed with her. I got my hopes up thinking about all the fun things we would do now that she was retired and how we would grow old together. That woman was my soul mate. My very best friend. This is when things start to get fuzzy for me, as I think my brain is still trying to protect me by forgetting so I don’t loose my mind. I remember stopping by her house around supper time to fill her pill box so I could sleep in the next morning. She was doing so good and laughing and had even went to get ice cream with her husband. I told her I loved her and left to let them enjoy their night. I got a call at around 6am the next morning from her husband saying the ambulance had been called and to meet them at Avera. She had been admitted so many times that I really wasn’t that worried. I don’t remember meeting them there or how many days I stayed up there. I Vaguely remember my brother and I sleeping on the little couch in her room. I have a few memories of her coding and being brought back when I was alone with her and then a nurse telling me it was time to take her off the machines. I couldn’t tell you to this day who was up there or in the room when she passed. I don’t remember if I talked to her or held her hand. That part kills me. I remember begging to let us take her to hospice and then saying it was too late for that. I had to pull the plug on my mom because no one was comfortable doing it... I’m sure worried I would freak out. They let me do it on my time. My Mama went to Heaven August 19th 2019 due to septic shock from an infection from pneumonia. Wasn’t even the damn cancer that got her. On maunday Thursday. She loved Easter so I find this crazy that she would go on that day. I have a small memory of going to church that Sunday for Easter and crying through the whole service. We did our best to give her the most amazing farewell but I find myself questioning some of the choices we made.... like why didn’t I request to dress her or do her hair? Why did I put a flower crown on her head and not take it off? Now I worry about dead flowers being in her hair. Death is a crazy thing. I’ve tried not to beat myself up over these small details and just remember that her service was beautiful. The Augie choir sang for her service and the flowers were spectacular. We decided on a vault in our local mausoleum. I couldn’t bear the thought of her being in the ground. I love that I can put my hand on her name and know she’s only a foot away from me. Will the pain ever stop? I don’t know. I do know that it changes. So for her 2nd heavenly anniversary I wanted to do something that meant something!! That’s when I thought of doing theses boxes. She would love this. She was a giver. My hope is to give these special boxes out for as long as I’m able to do them. These boxes mean a lot to people and the families having to live at the hospital. So I want to thank all of you for donating and helping me make this a reality. It really does mean the world to me. It keeps her name and spirit alive. My Mama was beautiful, like super model beautiful. She loved to garden and her favorite flower was a gladiolus.... 2 of my cousins and I ended up getting gladiolus flower tattoos on our ankles a few days after she passed. She made the BEST meatballs. She had a pool in her back yard and taught all my kids how to swim. We went shopping and out to lunch every Saturday. She was the most amazing MIMI I could have ever picked for my kids. She had the most amazing laugh and smile. She was there for us no matter what and always had the right answers. She had a corgi named W***y who she treated like her child. He passed 5 months before her and is now in that vault with her. We picked asparagus out of the ditch and drank wine on our way to Flandreau for our birthdays. She was so many things and I want people to remember these parts about her. She was a real person and went through this. I know this is a long post, but it’s important that we remember her.... the good and the bad. She was my Mama and I will love and miss her until the day I die. ❤️
