10/19/2026
đź”´ TRAFFIC ADVISORY: It's deer szn đź”´
​As deer are entering peak mating season, be aware of increased deer activity on local roads. In response, City Council has unanimously passed an emergency ordinance classifying all local white-tails as “enemies of the state" and must be shot on sight (provided you have government permission to feed your family - a hunting license and tag).
​New Driving Guidelines:
​If a deer steps into the road during your evening commute, you are now legally required to allow down (stop if necessary) to stare at it, even if there are cars behind you. They might get mad, but they should've left earlier anyways.
​Swerving to avoid a deer is now considered a sign of beta male weakness. Drivers are encouraged to stand their ground, assert dominance, and immediately play alpha rage music.
​Drive safe out there, Red Bud - and remember, those aren't just headlights reflecting off deer peepers; those are the deer you didn't come by your blind/stand when you were there earlier.
![Meanwhile, [again] in Tilden ....Editor's note: While I may abhor the symbolism that he's chosen to display on his chick...](https://img3.ngos1.com/279/243/1427968032792438.jpg)
