New Beginnings Women's Help Center

06/13/2026

False Solutions in relationships are those activities and attitudes that one does but don't lead to safe relationships. How do we stop doing these things? The first activity/attitude to stop doing is repeating history. "When we don't sit back in an armchair with a cup of coffee after a failure and ask ourselves, why? we're likely to end up in the same place again." "Begin asking yourself: Are the problems and conflicts similar, such as abandonment, control, guilt, irresponsibility, rage?"(Safe People by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend page 112). You may be clueless that there is a pattern of picking unsafe people.

06/12/2026

Not every relationship we enter is the missing puzzle piece to a safe relationship. In order to have a safe relationship, we must deal with the why. Ask yourself a few questions: Why are the relationships that I have experienced, not work out? Is there anything that might be missing within me? Is there anything that is the same in all of these past relationships? When we try to have people be the missing piece instead of entering a relationship with a healed, solid, and full heart, we get hurt over and over. Take some time to reflect on internal thoughts, expectations, and behaviors that occur within you when in a relationship. "There are many reasons that we pick unsafe people. It's good for us to look at those reasons... Look at the list again: inability to judge character, isolation, false hope, unfaced badness, merger wishes, fear of confrontation, romanticizing, rescuing, familiarity, victim roles, guilt, perfectionism, repetition, and denial." "It is for this reason that finding safe people is not just a luxury - it's a necessary part of growing spiritually mature."(Safe People by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend page 108)

06/11/2026

Relationships can have a to do list. Some of these tasks are easy while others are extremely hard. What makes these hard are expectations. These expectations can range from people pleasing to perfectionism. If we are putting these expectations on ourselves in relationships, we will become overwhelmed with anger. Anger with self and others. A better to do list in relationships, be loving, kind, and generous. This must start within us first before we can complete a relationship to do list with others. We may not even realize that we are putting unrealistic expectations on self and others.

06/10/2026

There are two sources of frustration: Internal and external. Both can have an effect in relationships. Internal frustration is when you are frustrated with yourself or the way you react in situations. Ask yourself this question. What makes me react this way? Take an honest look at what is going on inside. Maybe you are thinking to highly of yourself in regard to others. Maybe it's the opposite, thinking to lowly of yourself in regard to others. Then share what you learn with a trusted friend or counselor. Self-reflection is a tool that is key to overcoming frustration. There is no way to change what others do or say, but we can change our reaction.

06/09/2026

Confrontation is a difficult thing to experience and even harder for someone to practice. Some loving confrontation is good in relationships, if it is done with love as the motivation. If you are someone who shuts out ALL confrontation, then growth is stunted. In healthy relationships, one should be able to share their thoughts and feeling. When taking offense enters the conversation is when confrontation can turn from loving to fighting. Here are a few steps towards growth in confrontation. First, look and listen to another's words and body language. Second, check in with your initial thoughts that are popping up. Third, respond to confrontation with neutral but firm words by repeating what the other is saying. Last, seek clarification on any offense that you are experiencing by asking a question. Do you mean that __________? This last step will help to lessen feeling offended and open the door to communication. We need deliberate pursuit and attentiveness on lovingly confronting.

06/06/2026

Another reason why we keep choosing unsafe relationships is because of guilt within ourselves. If you find yourself apologizing all the time for things you are not even responsible for, then you are definitely on Guilt Street. Maybe you feel like you are not good enough just the way you are. This can cause one to choose relationships that seems to validate this internal view of self. This internal mind set needs to be identified and healed before choosing a relationship. There are others out there that will look for this and take advantage of you. The laws of attraction have much to do with the way in which we view ourselves. You will attract what you believe. So, take the next turn off of Guilt Street and find your true authentic self.

06/05/2026

I had to __________. When you finish this sentence based on someone else's actions, you may be acting out of powerlessness. For example, I had to lie because that is what I'm told to do. "The victim passively gives the reins of his life to someone else. And turning one's choice over to perpetrators is very unsafe." (Safe People by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend page 104). It's hard to believe that to not choose is to make a choice. When we start to ask ourselves, I chose to _____________, then base the answer on our own thoughts, we break powerlessness.

06/04/2026

06/03/2026

To rescue those that are hurtful can create a strong connection in relationships. When the hurtful person is in crisis, we step in and take care of them. This is another reason why we choose unsafe relationships. Who doesn't want to feel like the hero who saves someone, even if they are hurtful. "People who need rescuing are not taking responsibility for their life. And people who do not take responsibility for their life are not safe, even though they may be very nice." (Safe People by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend page 102). A safe relationship is one that helps both people to grow.

06/03/2026

Another reason why we can choose unsafe relationships, fear of confrontation. Could you stand up to other's criticism or telling you how to live your life? You may think this little old and frail woman is out of her mind for trying to confront such a dangerous bull. What if there was an invisible wall between you and that bull? "The problem with the inability to confront people is that non-confronters are the exact kind of people that hurtful people end up with." (Safe People by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend page 100) Non-confronters need to develop that invisible wall between themselves and others. "Having good boundaries, who are able to confront others clearly, and who resolve problems in their relationships." (page 100) will prevent relationships from taking advantage and being hurtful.