07/21/2026
Many of us grew up hearing the phrase, "Children should be seen and not heard." While this saying may have once reflected societal expectations, we now understand the lasting harm it can cause. As parents, caregivers, educators, and helping professionals, we recognize the importance of encouraging children to express themselves, share their feelings, and ask for help when they need support.
We frequently tell children to speak up when something feels wrong, seek help when they are struggling, and talk about their emotions rather than keeping them bottled inside. These are important messages. Yet too often, when children do exactly what we ask of them, their concerns are unintentionally minimized, dismissed, or overshadowed by an adult's perspective.
Children and adolescents experience stress, anxiety, sadness, disappointment, and fear in ways that are deeply real to them. While their challenges may seem small when viewed through the lens of adult responsibilities and experiences, they can feel overwhelming within the context of a child's world.
The end of a friendship, being excluded from a group, struggling in school, experiencing conflict at home, or feeling misunderstood can create significant emotional distress. As adults, we may be tempted to view these experiences as temporary or insignificant. However, for a child or adolescent, these situations can feel like profound loss, rejection, fear, grief, or shame. When we dismiss their experiences, we risk teaching them that their feelings are not worthy of attention or support.
A child's voice does not suddenly become valuable when they reach adulthood. Their thoughts, feelings, experiences, and perspectives matter right now.
When we take the time to listen, validate, and respond with compassion, we help children learn that their emotions are important, their struggles deserve support, and they do not have to face challenges alone. More importantly, we show them that using their voice is worthwhile—and that there are trusted adults who will listen when they do.
Because every child deserves to know: Your voice matters. Today, tomorrow, and always.
-Niquanna Barnett MS, LMFT
