12/24/2025
This is a long post, but something I need to get off my chest. This is a form of therapy, so bear with me.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about our Veteran’s and those on Active Duty in our military as well. It has been weighing heavy on my heart and even more so after watching the video highlights of Clay’s deployment.
Most people don’t understand what sacrifices a veteran makes. Heck, in some cases (like Clay) the individual making the sacrifice doesn’t even understand it, until they are in it. We were there that day when Clay made his sacrifice. Four years of his life, to serve his country. None of us could possibly grasp that day what sacrifices were required, and it is probably a good thing, or maybe nobody would enlist, I don’t know. Clay left for bootcamp at 19 years old. 1st time we had ever been apart by more than a few days. I thought my heart would break in two. 6 weeks of bootcamp I think and time stood still for me. Every single day worrying and wondering about what was going on. Was he ok? Mentally? Physically? Eventually a couple letters later, one phone call and then finally bootcamp graduation where we were reunited again. Then the news of his duty station. Washington State. The other end of the country. We saw him off on his flight that day, just like we would soon do, several more times. I cried so hard that day (and several days that followed) because I knew as his Mom, the Clay I knew would not be back. A man would be in his place.
Upon arrival at the base in Washington, Clay was not greeted by a welcoming committee, nor did anyone even know he was coming. They were completely unprepared for him and it was a cluster. I remember the call that night. A little desperation, worry that he was even in the correct place. At midnight, no-one seemed to know where to send him. Finally after hours of them seeking out the right people and departments, he was given a place to sleep for the night. I got the call the next morning that he was ok and they figured everything out. You don’t know what that does to a Mother, 2200 miles away!
Time passed on, days, weeks, months and Clay settled in. Learning the ropes, how things worked, and slowly realizing that good didn’t always win. The right things don’t always get rewarded. Finally, deployment time. He left on a carrier for a West Pac tour. They worked 7 days a week, 12 hours a day with very little downtime. Almost every minute of every day for about 7 months was dictated by someone else. His life was not his own. We wrote letters back and forth, able to send a few messages online, and we sent a few care packages of the things we knew he liked. As a Mom, I read into the depression in between the lines of his letters. He missed home, his friends, his family. He missed having a life. While everyone else at home was getting married, starting families, he was working 7 days a week being told what to do by people who had no clue what to do or how to do it. As a Mom, I worried about him physically and mentally and the toll that 4 years of this would have on him. I tried to tell myself that he was just growing up and becoming a man, and some of the trials and tribulations are just hard to watch as a Mom, but I always thought it was more than that. This wasn’t the Navy that his Grandfather joined, it was today’s Navy, with today’s people, today’s generation of 18 year olds, with today’s (2016’s) touchy feely regulations to make everyone feel included. I’ll let you read into that what you will.
I did my best as a Mom to reassure him, and to make the best of the time he had left as he was now over halfway thru. I never showed my worry to him, only positive reinforcement, building him up the best way I knew how. Over the last year in, Clay had finally built some bonds and had carved out a niche and was excelling in his job. Luckily we had family nearby and he was able to spend some long weekends away and remembering what life was like before enlisting. It reminded him what it was like to be free.
Freedom. These guys give up 4 years of their life (or more) so we can be a free country. You don’t know what it is like (and neither do I firsthand) to give up control of your life and hand the reigns over to someone else. The worst part is, that after doing it, you may come to realize that the person (or people) holding the reigns may not be the most qualified person. There is no guarantee they have your best interest at heart, but still, you are obligated. There is no quitting or giving up. All you can do is bide your time and hope that you make it thru unscathed.
In Clay’s case, I consider those four years as an even bigger sacrifice than some, considering how his total life was only 27 short years. But none of us ever knows the time we have left. He gave 1,460 days of his 10,030 day life to the United States Navy. To me, that is a HUGE sacrifice. These guys (and girls) make this decision, every day, not knowing how many days they have left, but committing X number of days to do the honorable thing and serve their country. Yes, some go in because they have no other choice, some feel a calling, and some enlist just because they don’t know what else to do, but regardless of the reasons why, they along with their families make a sacrifice and it is a BIG one. Because of his short life, those four years took away many things for Clay AND HIS FAMILY. It was four years we were not able to be with him, Four years where he could have started a family.
So, when they say the “sacrifices” that our military and their families make, this is what I think of, and it burns real deep. They give up these years of their life, not knowing how many they have left and not really grasping just how precious each day is, just so we can remain a free country. Just so (some) people can “not” appreciate it, take advantage of it, protest it, mock it, and burn our flag. These young people still do it every day. Some for the right reasons, some who knows, but it is still a sacrifice no matter the situation. I thank God that there are people willing to enlist still after how unsupportive the citizens of our country sometimes are. Our Veterans deserve every single stinking bit of recognition, rewards, grace and love that can be shown to them.
This is just one part of what we hope the Clay Brown Memorial Fund can do. Honor our Veterans. Support our Veterans. Show them that we care and will always support them; while also honoring the memory of our son, James Clay Brown Jr, AS3, US Navy.
