09/02/2026
Some Days, It’s Okay Not to Be Okay
Sometimes, that is all that comes to mind after a day is had.
After almost two years of healing from breast cancer treatment, I still sometimes find myself thinking, “Shouldn’t I be over this by now?”
I believe one of the hardest parts of healing is learning not to beat yourself up because you are still healing.
Sometimes I can go days feeling good—just living my life. Then, out of the blue, my body braces as if it is preparing for a race.
Unless you have experienced it, it can be hard to explain what it feels like to go to work, go to the gym, go to church, and simply live your everyday life while your body is screaming at you:
Be careful.
Life can change at any moment.
Be on guard.
You know you are safe. You know you are healthy. But some days, your brain just doesn’t get the memo.
One thing I have learned during this journey is that healing is real, and happiness is possible.
We can have lives worth living. We do not have to remain stuck in the past or spend our lives bracing for the future.
It is true—I have been given a gift. The gift of life. The gift of healing. And I am incredibly grateful for both.
But I have also learned that some days, it is okay not to be okay.
That is why we survivors call this a healing journey.
Today, I had a wonderful day. I lived my life. I enjoyed myself. And then, about 45 minutes ago, my body suddenly asked:
“But what if...?”
So, I did what I have been learning to do.
First, I prayed.
Then, instead of fighting the feelings or trying to make them disappear, I allowed myself to sit with them—and I kept living my life.
And now, as I write this, I feel mostly normal again. I can feel my body relaxing.
That is part of my journey right now.
These moments happen much less often than they did two years ago. That alone reminds me that healing is happening. And I believe there will come a day when these moments no longer have the power they once had.
That is part of why God gave me The ABIII—Awakening Beyond Illness Into Identity.
Because I know I am not the only survivor who has experienced this.
There are women trying to return to work, church, family, exercise, laughter, dreams, and everyday life while still learning how to feel safe in the life they fought so hard to keep.
And we should not have to walk that journey alone.
We are not broken.
What we experience is real.
We are healing.
We are living.
And we are truly blessed.
This is the journey beyond illness.
This is Awakening Beyond Illness Into Identity.
