The Center for Youth Leadership

10/09/2025

08/06/2025

𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐆𝐚𝐩 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐞𝐞𝐧𝐬: 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐬

As the new school year begins, many families feel a silent tension. Parents carry hopes—some spoken, some silently passed on. Teens wrestle with dreams, expectations, and a growing need to be understood. The result? Misunderstandings, emotional distance, and often, a struggle for control.

In my work with youth and families, I’ve seen this scenario unfold time and time again: Parents wanting the best for their children, but expressing it in ways that feel misaligned—or even oppressive—to the teen. Teens pushing back, not out of rebellion, but out of a deep desire to be seen and respected for who they are.

𝐒𝐨 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐠𝐚𝐩?

𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙: 𝙫𝙖𝙡𝙪𝙚𝙨.

Values are the invisible threads that shape every decision, judgment, and dream. They’re deeply rooted beliefs about what matters most: → Honesty, success, creativity, security, freedom, family, faith, growth…

While roles in the family may differ—parent, teen, coach, mentor—values cut across roles.

When we take time to identify, understand, and articulate our values, we uncover the reasons behind our hopes, our fears, and even our conflicts.

Often, a parent’s desire for their child to become a doctor, lawyer, or engineer is rooted not in control, but in love, stability, and security. A teen may resist not because they reject their parents, but because they value authenticity, creativity, or freedom.

𝐀 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐌𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐇𝐢𝐭 𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲!

During one of my sessions in our Youth Development Certification Program, I asked our coaches:

“𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙙𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙤𝙧 𝙪𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙧𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙣 𝙞𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙛𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙨?”
One coach answered with honesty and vulnerability:

“𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙨𝙠 𝙢𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙪𝙡𝙛𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙙𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢𝙨 𝙞𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧𝙨… 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙬𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙤 𝙜𝙪𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨.”
Her response opened up a space for an important conversation that must be addressed with care and wisdom.

𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐣𝐞𝐜𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬

When youth ask this question, they’re expressing a deep emotional truth:

“𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙄 𝙖𝙢—𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙬𝙝𝙤 𝙢𝙮 𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨 𝙣𝙚𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚.”
And most parents? They mean well. But they may unknowingly project their unfulfilled dreams onto their children. Why?

Because their intentions are often rooted in:

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧
𝐅𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩
𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟𝐬 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐜𝐜𝐞𝐬𝐬, 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞𝐭𝐲
𝐀 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐧 “𝐝𝐨 𝐛𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫” 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐝

𝐂𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐲: 𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲

Here’s how we, as coaches and mentors, can help teens and parents navigate this powerful tension:

𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

When a teen says:

“Why do my parents want me to live their dreams?”
Ask back:

“What do you think your parents really want for you beneath those dreams?”
This opens a window into underlying values rather than surface goals.

𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲 𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐬

Encourage youth to reflect:

🧬 What values do I think my parents hold (e.g., stability, success, faith)?
🌱 What values drive my dreams (e.g., purpose, joy, freedom)?
🔗 Where might we overlap—even if our paths look different?

𝐂𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭

Help parents consider:

“What’s behind my hopes for my child?”
“How can I listen without judging or correcting?”
“What do I need to understand about their unique wiring?”

𝐎𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭:

“𝙄𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙤𝙛 𝙖𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜, ‘𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙙𝙤 𝙄 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙢𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙞𝙡𝙙 𝙛𝙤𝙡𝙡𝙤𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙩𝙝 𝙄 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬,’ 𝘼𝙨𝙠, ‘𝙃𝙤𝙬 𝙙𝙤 𝙄 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 𝙬𝙖𝙡𝙠 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙞𝙧 𝙥𝙖𝙩𝙝 𝙬𝙞𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙮?’”

𝐀 𝐏𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐄𝐱𝐞𝐫𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐞: 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞𝐬 𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐝𝐠𝐞

Here’s an activity you can try in a family coaching session—or even around the dinner table:

Step-by-Step:

1️⃣ Parent and teen each select their top 5 values from a list.

2️⃣ They share why those values matter and where they came from (e.g., experience, faith, struggle).

3️⃣ They identify shared values—common ground.

4️⃣ Together, they brainstorm how to support both their values in the home, even if their dreams differ.

This turns conflict into conversation. Distance into discovery.

𝐀 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠

One of our coaches shared this beautiful real-life moment:

A father was pushing his son toward engineering. The son, however, loved animals and dreamed of becoming a wildlife conservationist. Tensions were high—until a values session helped them uncover deeper motivations.
Coaches, Parents, Educators—This Is Our Moment

As teens head back to school, they carry more than backpacks. They carry silent pressure, unspoken dreams, and the longing to be truly understood.

And parents? They carry their own silent fears, unrealized hopes, and questions like, “Am I doing enough?”

Let’s not wait for conflict to force a conversation. Let’s start with values. Let’s build homes where values aren’t imposed—but discovered, shared, and respected.

𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐫𝐲 𝐈𝐭?

Here are 3 things you can do this week:

✅ Ask your teen: “What really matters to you in life?”

✅ Reflect on your own values. Which ones are guiding your parenting?

✅ Try the Top 5 Values Exercise together—listen, learn, and connect.

𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐓𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭

We don’t need to become the same to walk together. We just need to understand what drives each other—and choose to honor the journey.

𝙇𝙚𝙩’𝙨 𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙨𝙚 𝙖 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡𝙨 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙣, 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙙, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙧𝙪𝙡𝙮 𝙫𝙖𝙡𝙪𝙚𝙙—𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙤𝙢𝙚.