Lily's Hope

12/17/2023

No matter how tiring or overstimulating motherhood gets, the blessing of my kids is not lost on me. I will/could never forget the silence of our sweet Lily’s empty nursery.

Praying for all you mamas who know the silence, too.💔

It’s phrases like this that will forever make me cringe a little.

“All mama wants is a silent night.”

Trust me, I get it. And with two kids who rarely stop to take a breath, I FEEL it.

As an introvert and a highly sensitive person (HSP—look it up, it’s a thing) some days (and nights) I feel like the noise is literally going to end me.

If you know me in real life (and maybe virtually, too), you’ve no doubt heard me complain about the noise levels in this house. You’ve heard me beg God for silence, for an escape from the noise. Most days I truly long for it.

But I know the flip side, too.

The side of motherhood that isn’t summed up on a coffee mug. The side that doesn’t get a place on the shelf. The side that is so heartbreakingly silent, you’d forever welcome the racket from a couple of hellions and a lifetime of cold coffee.

It’s the side of motherhood that screams for the baby who lived in your womb, but didn’t make it to your arms. The side in which your baby never had the chance to fill your ears with the sound of a sharp cry. The side in which the only sound in the middle of the night was that of your own gut-wrenching sobs.

I know that if I’d come across this mug a short time after losing my babies, when the sorrow consumed me, I’d have melted into a puddle of tears right there on the floor of Target.

Because to have a truly silent night in motherhood?

Well, it’s the cup that no one wants to drink from. The cup that’s empty because grief has sucked every last drop out of it.

In these years of raising my living children, I will need breaks. I will long for silence. I will sometimes let them watch too much TV just so I can have one complete thought.

But I will never forget the dark nothingness of the silent nights after losing two babies.

And I will never forget that even with the chaos of tantrums and whining and constant chatter, there are mothers out there who are still waiting for such noise to fill their homes.

I’m not going to enjoy every moment—no one does—but knowing firsthand the emptiness and silence of loss makes me appreciate the too-noisy parts of motherhood just a little more.

Because, really, all mama actually wants is to not know the pain of losing a baby.

10/26/2023

Upcoming online grief support group geared toward grief during the holiday season!

On Zoom November 15th at 7pm

Click the link to register!

Join us for a two-hour encouraging seminar that will provide support and valuable tools to navigate the season. Register here. Contact Bonnie Rauch-Bouie at 803.351.2063 if you have questions.

10/15/2023

❤️❤️❤️❤️

**Dear Baby, I'll See You in Heaven**

I saw your face for just a moment before the nurse carried your lifeless body away. You looked like you were sleeping, except I knew I'd never see you wake up. I left the hospital with empty arms and suddenly all I could see was the empty space in our family.

I never got to see the color of your eyes.

I never got to see your tiny fist wrapped around my finger.

I never got to see you smile.

I never got to see you drift off to sleep in my arms.

I never got to see you take your first steps.

I never got to see your daddy hold you.

I never got see you dance in the rain.

I never got to see you play with your sister and brother.

I never got to see your grandparents spoil you.

I never got to see you blow out the candles of your birthday cake.

I never got to see joy in your eyes and gladness on your lips.

I never got to see you grow.

But one day I will.

Because one day, I'll see you in heaven.

And the empty space will be filled. And the life that wasn't complete on this earth will be made full at the feet of Jesus.

For awhile, I couldn't see how I'd be able to go on without you. But now I can see how God took care of me in your absence, just as he's taking care of you in his presence.

I never got to see you live.

But I will. Because one day I'll see you in heaven.
October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. Sending love to all those missing a precious baby.
If you are a mama who’s lost a baby and is on or moving toward the journey of pregnancy after loss, you may be interested in my book, Courageously Expecting, which empathizes with and encourages those who have lost a baby and courageously want to try again: https://amzn.to/3NCUWRG

10/10/2023

Hi! I am Jamie!

I have been gone for a while so a new intro post it is!

I am a bereavement doula through StillBirthday and Griefshare Facilitator out of Columbia, SC.

We recently had our 6th and final baby (👼👼👶👶👶👶).

Our first baby we lost at 6 weeks and never got to meet. Our rainbow baby, Lily, was born unknowingly with Trisomy 18 at 33 weeks. We got two beautiful and heartbreaking months with her in the NICU!

This last pregnancy was our first back in the town that Lily was born in. I had to walk into buildings, doctors, and hospitals that I had not walked into since Lily was still alive, 8 years ago.

It was a lot. A whole lot.

Hence the break and time to process even more of my own grief. 🤍

As hard as it was to go there, it was incredibly healing.

So I am excited to be back to share some of this journey as well as encourage and be a part of your journey as well!!

So many hugs! And prayers for you mama as your journey through this thing called grief.

08/27/2023

A friendly reminder that the application is currently open for our second Zion Satterfield Scholarship! If you or someone you know is growing their family through adoption, you are not going to want to miss the opportunity to apply. But make sure you do it soon, the deadline is September 18th! You can find the link for the application posted below.

If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to reach out!

https://thegardengroup.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Zion-Satterfield-Scholarship-Application.pdf

08/22/2023

It’s National Rainbow Baby Day. 🌈

I saw another loss mama take a similar photo to this one while I was pregnant with mine. I ordered this onesie and hoped, prayed, and waited to take this photo. And believe it or not this day came for us. 😭

The blessing of our sweet Rainbow baby is not lost on us even though she just celebrated her 7th birthday. I still look at her from time to time and remember the uncertainty and the waiting for her to come.The holding my breath until I heard her first cry.

So today, mamas with your Rainbow Babies in your arms, hold them so tight. For the mamas who are waiting ever so anxiously for your Rainbow Baby, I pray that this day will come for you, too! ❤️

🌈

08/19/2023

What if you could let it all out?
Unresolved grief is one of the root causes of disease, anxiety and depression. Join us for a one day grieving workshop at The Beacon Church that will guide you to more joy in your life. Saturday, August 26 starting at 11:00am. $10 per person. Register using the following link. https://form.jotform.com/232284905209154

08/02/2023

Grief can be a heavy burden to bear, but remember, you don't have to carry it alone. Join us This Thursday, August 3rd, at Tribal Coffee for our Jacoby's Journey Support Group. Come find solace, understanding and healing. Can't come in person, text VIRTUAL to 833-990-3299 to receive the private Google Meet link.