Purple Dragonfly Project

04/02/2026

I think the saddest thing is when you see a woman stay with a man that's clearly not meant for her or doing right by her & he starts sucking the life out of her.

Slowly, piece by piece, you watch her disappear. The things that once made her feel like herself begin to fade. She stops dressing the way she used to, stops putting effort into her appearance—not because she doesn’t care, but because she’s exhausted. The sparkle in her eyes dims. The laughter becomes rare. The confidence she once carried so naturally gets replaced with doubt, silence, and overthinking.

She goes from being lively, expressive, and full of light… to quiet, withdrawn, and constantly questioning her worth. Her energy shifts in a way you can’t ignore. It’s like watching someone shrink themselves just to survive a love that was never meant to hurt them in the first place.

And the worst part? She doesn’t even realize it’s happening at first. She thinks she’s just “tired,” just “stressed,” just “trying to make it work.” But in reality, she’s pouring into something that is slowly draining everything out of her.

Some men are killing beautiful women from the inside out & it's so sad to see.

Because it’s not just about looks—it’s about spirit. It’s about how a woman feels within herself. A toxic relationship doesn’t just break hearts, it chips away at identity, confidence, and peace until there’s barely anything left.

I pray for every one of my sisters in a toxic relationship. I pray you find clarity, strength, and the courage to choose yourself. I pray one day you wake up and realize that love should never feel like survival. And most of all, I hope you find the energy to leave, heal, and become the version of yourself that no one gets to dim ever again.

03/20/2026

Stop making excuses for the men that are abusive

03/15/2026

Somewhere tonight, someone is lying in bed wondering if they are crazy… wondering if the things that were said to them today were really their fault. Wondering if maybe they should have just stayed quiet, tried harder, or loved better.

If that is you, I want you to hear this clearly; you are not crazy, and you are not the problem.

Domestic violence is not always bruises and broken bones. Sometimes it is words that slowly break your confidence. Sometimes it is control, manipulation, silence, fear, and feeling like you are walking on eggshells in your own home.

No one deserves to live like that.

You deserve peace. You deserve safety. You deserve a life where you can breathe without fear.

If you are in that place right now, please know you are not alone. There are people who care, people who will listen, and people who will stand beside you while you find your way out.

And if you have already walked that road and made it to the other side, your story matters. Your strength gives hope to someone who cannot yet see a way forward.

Tonight I am praying for every survivor, every person still fighting quietly behind closed doors, and every heart trying to heal.

You are stronger than you think. You are worthy of love that does not hurt.

If no one has told you today; I see you, I believe you, and you matter.

03/06/2026

Things I’m not afraid to admit as a domestic violence survivor:

I’m not afraid to admit that I stayed longer than I should have because I loved deeply and believed people could change

I’m not afraid to admit that I made excuses for behavior that slowly broke my confidence because I wanted peace more than I wanted to be right

I’m not afraid to admit that I lost parts of myself trying to keep someone else comfortable

I’m not afraid to admit that healing didn’t happen overnight and some days still feel heavier than others

I’m not afraid to admit that leaving was one of the hardest things I have ever done even when everyone else thought it looked easy

I’m not afraid to admit that abuse does not always look like bruises. It can sound like manipulation, control, fear, and emotional exhaustion

I’m not afraid to admit that I had to relearn who I was without survival mode guiding every decision

I’m not afraid to admit that I grieved the person I thought they were more than the person they showed themselves to be

I’m not afraid to admit that I am still healing and still growing

And I’m not afraid to admit that surviving made me stronger but it also made me wiser about who gets access to my heart

My story is not shameful
My survival is not weakness
My healing is my power

02/16/2026

FAWNING

The fawning trauma response is a survival strategy where your nervous system learns:

“If I keep people happy, I’ll be safe.”

It’s not kindness.
It’s not weakness.
It’s not personality.
It’s conditioned survival behavior.

What “fawn” means in trauma

Fawning is appeasing the threat to reduce danger.

Instead of:

• fight and attack
• flight and escape
• freeze and shut down

Fawn equals attach, please, submit and appease

It’s a relational survival response.

What fawning looks like

People who fawn often:

• people-please automatically
• suppress their needs
• agree when they don’t want to
• apologize excessively
• avoid conflict at all costs
• prioritize others’ emotions
• feel responsible for others’ feelings
• over-explain
• over-give
• over-accommodate
• self-abandon
• become “easy”
• fear saying no
• feel guilt for having needs
• feel unsafe with anger (theirs or others’)

Internally:

• hypervigilance to mood shifts
• constant scanning of others
• fear of displeasing
• fear of abandonment
• fear of rejection
• internalized shame
• collapse when approval is lost

Why fawning develops

Fawning develops in environments where:

• anger is dangerous
• rejection is traumatic
• love is conditional
• approval equals safety
• conflict leads to punishment
• caregivers are unpredictable
• emotional needs are punished
• autonomy is unsafe
• boundaries cause harm
• silence isn’t safe
• compliance is rewarded

So the nervous system learns:

“If I become what you need, I’ll survive.”

Fawning in narcissistic abuse

Fawning is extremely common in narcissistic systems because:

• power is relational
• safety depends on approval
• rage is unpredictable
• affection is conditional
• validation is currency
• love is transactional
• identity is controlled
• autonomy is punished
• boundaries cause retaliation

So the safest strategy becomes:

“Don’t trigger them. Adapt to them.”

Fawning isn’t manipulation.
It’s attachment survival.

It’s what happens when:

• connection is required for survival
• but connection is also dangerous

The cost of fawning

Over time it creates:

• loss of identity
• chronic exhaustion
• resentment
• self-erasure
• confusion about wants
• difficulty feeling anger
• boundary collapse
• shame for having needs
• fear of authenticity
• burnout
• emotional numbness

Healing fawn patterns (gently)

Healing isn’t “stop people-pleasing.”
That just adds shame.

Healing looks like:

• building nervous system safety
• learning to tolerate displeasure
• learning to tolerate conflict safely
• practicing micro-boundaries
• reconnecting to needs
• learning self-protection
• building internal authority
• learning that anger ≠ danger
• learning that needs ≠ rejection
• learning that “no” ≠ abandonment

Fawning isn’t who you are.
It’s what your nervous system learned to do.

You didn’t choose fawning.
Your nervous system chose survival.

01/30/2026

Understanding the Cycle of Abuse

Abuse doesn’t always look like what we imagine. It’s not always bruises or shouting. Sometimes, it’s control, manipulation, isolation, or fear that slowly creeps in. Most people who end up in abusive relationships don’t recognize it right away, because it often starts with love.

Abusers often begin as incredibly charming, attentive, and affectionate. They make you feel seen and special- and that’s part of why the cycle is so painful and confusing when it begins to turn.

The Cycle of Abuse is a pattern that repeats over and over, keeping survivors trapped in hope, fear, and self-blame. Understanding it can help you recognize what’s really happening, whether it’s to you, a friend, or someone you care about.

Here’s what that cycle looks like:

1. Tension Building:
Things start to feel off. The abuser may become irritable, controlling, or critical. You might find yourself trying to keep the peace: changing how you speak, what you wear, or who you see, just to avoid conflict. You might feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time.

2. Incident (Explosion):
This is when the abuse happens. It might be verbal attacks, humiliation, threats, physical violence, or another form of harm. It’s the breaking point where the tension snaps and the survivor is left feeling shocked, scared, or ashamed.

3. Reconciliation (The “Honeymoon” Phase):
After the explosion, the abuser may apologize, cry, make excuses, or promise it will never happen again. They might shower you with affection, gifts, or attention. This can make you question what happened, or believe things will change. And for a little while, they might seem to.

4. Calm:
Things settle down. The abuse is minimized or ignored. Everyone acts like it didn’t happen. You might even convince yourself that maybe it wasn’t that bad, or that things really are different this time. But slowly, tension begins to build again… and the cycle repeats.

This cycle is not your fault.
Abuse is never caused by the victim. It’s caused by the abuser’s choice to control and harm. The cycle keeps you trapped by mixing love, fear, and hope. But no matter what you’ve been told, you deserve peace, safety, and love that doesn’t hurt.

If any of this sounds familiar, please know you’re not alone, and you don’t have to go through it in silence or by yourself. You deserve support, safety, and healing, not fear, confusion, or control.

And if you’re reading this and you know someone who might be in a situation like this, please don’t judge or pressure them. Just listen, believe them, and remind them that they are not alone. Sometimes, that small bit of compassion can be the first step toward breaking the cycle.

01/29/2026

Post-separation abuse is a documented and escalating form of coercive control that begins or intensifies after a survivor leaves. Research consistently shows that separation is the most dangerous period in an abusive relationship. Studies indicate that 60–75 percent of domestic violence–related homicides occur during or after separation, not during the relationship itself. Survivors are often targeted through legal systems, social networks, finances, employment, and reputation rather than direct physical proximity. The abuse does not end because the relationship ends. It adapts.

Data from domestic violence and family court research shows that abusers who lose direct access frequently shift to post-separation tactics such as litigation abuse, false allegations, smear campaigns, stalking, and economic sabotage. Survivors involved in family or civil court are significantly more likely to face repeat filings, retaliatory motions, and misuse of protective systems. One multi-jurisdictional study found that over 50 percent of survivors experienced legal harassment following separation, with many reporting financial devastation and long-term psychological harm as a result.

Post-separation abuse is often mischaracterized as “high-conflict” or “mutual disputes,” despite clear evidence of one-sided patterning, escalation, and intent. This mislabeling allows abuse to continue unchecked while survivors are retraumatized by systems meant to protect them. Naming post-separation abuse accurately is critical. When patterns are recognized, documented, and understood, the narrative shifts from victim-blaming to accountability. This is the foundation of the Heal Loudly™ Movement.

If multiple items apply:
This indicates post-separation abuse.
Not mutual conflict.
Not misunderstanding.
Not a personality clash.

HEAL LOUDLY™ MOVEMENT
Naming abuse is the first step to ending it.

01/10/2026

January is Human Trafficking Awareness Month. Human trafficking is often a hidden crime as victims rarely come forward to seek help due to
language barriers, fear of traffickers or fear of law enforcement.

Over the years, WINGS has served human trafficking survivors through the agency’s Safe Houses.

Learn more about human trafficking and the similarities to domestic violence here:

https://wingsprogram.com/human-trafficking-similarities-domestic-violence/

January is Human Trafficking Awareness month & WINGS has served these victims. Learn about human trafficking and the similarities to domestic violence.

01/07/2026

A woman having s*x to avoid tantrums, the silent treatment, passive aggression, guilt-tripping, or abandonment is not consenting — it’s coercion.

That’s not a relationship. That’s s*xual servitude under emotional duress.

Far too many women have been conditioned to believe this is what “compromise” looks like: keeping the peace, managing a man’s moods, offering their body as a bargaining chip so conflict doesn’t erupt. They’re taught that love means self-betrayal, that intimacy is owed, that saying no will cost them safety, affection, or stability.

But real consent doesn’t come from fear.
It doesn’t come from walking on eggshells.
It doesn’t come from choosing the least painful option.

Consent is enthusiastic, free, and safe. It’s given because a woman wants to — not because she’s trying to prevent punishment, withdrawal, or emotional retaliation. When intimacy is extracted through pressure, manipulation, or threat of loss, it stops being intimacy at all.

A healthy relationship never requires a woman to abandon her boundaries to keep someone else calm. Love does not punish you for having autonomy. And compromise is never supposed to cost you your body, your dignity, or your sense of self.

If a woman has to give s*x to feel secure, she isn’t being loved — she’s being controlled.

*xualcoercion

01/06/2026

In abuse we had to act with urgency.
Your sensitive nervous system needs to be shown that its safe to come out of high alert, and we can do that by slowing down during recovery. Even if thats slowing the pace when you do day to day chores, when youre walking, or trying to allow ypurself more time between tasks 💜

12/31/2025

It doesn't matter if you're dating someone, in a relationship, or married. Your relationship status doesn't mean you owe your partner intimacy of any kind.

*xualcoercion *xualviolence