06/13/2020
Let’s Talk About It-
“Thinking out black”...From my POV
There have been many times throughout my career when I could not stand up for what I should have freely been allowed to. I knew that if I did, I would be criticized and reprimanded for possible insubordination. Not because I was saying something that wasn’t true or defending my right to freedom of speech but because I was going against the “boss”, or my loyalty was questioned for the company or I had some ulterior motive. I feel like I lost a lot of people that I considered friends that were also my coworkers instead of the other way around. There were many times that I wanted to support them out front but I couldn’t. I’m not talking about my staff. I always supported and defended my staff. That was my job. That was my responsibility. To ensure that my staff were treated fairly. Not only because it was my job but because I had a heart for how people were treated. But, I digress, I’m talking about my colleagues, folks on my “level” of seniority. There were times when I could not take their side in public. I didn’t have a back up plan. I was a young, black, single mother of two that had to support her kids and make a way. I knew that if I made my voice heard, then I would risk my whole future and the future of my children. So, instead of keep a friend, I had to choose to keep my job and keep my mouth shut. You see, it’s harder out here for us black woman than it is for others. People do not understand. We are already devalued. We are already defunded. We are already trying our best to keep food on the table, make a way out of no way and be successful not only as a woman but as a black woman. So, I hope that when you judge your black female friend at work for not being able to defend you in public but will console the hell out of you with you just because she can’t do it if she is depending on herself to make it and someone else to give her a paycheck. She couldn’t risk it. Your black friend’s voice is much harsher than yours and she is way louder when sharing her opinion. She is being defensive because she does not agree with her counter parts or boss. She is “pulling the race card” if she stands up for her rights and what she believes she is do. She can’t call out to work because she has a sick child because it will be frowned upon because she is the typical young, black, single mother and it could destroy the possibility that another black woman with these same characteristics get a job here. I hate that I can’t help you. I hate that you didn’t understand why I couldn’t support you. But, because I was never supported and because no one ever said, “let’s make sure she is treated equally and fairly so that her voice weighs the same as hours”. Because you didn’t do that, because you didn’t make it “normal” for my black voice to matter, I now have to protect my voice for myself. I can’t risk losing mine for defending yours because my rights are not the same as yours. I must work longer, harder, have more degrees, more letters behind my name, do volunteer work, pull my curly, big hair back, wear the right shoes, carry the right purse, put my kids in quality childcare, talk about vacation that I never take because again, I can’t miss work, get a dog and drink wine and that’s just almost at the level where I’m looked at as “maybe she can pass” level. And I have to maintain that. So now, I choose to speak for me. To all of those that I have been on the either side of the coin, think about the corner you are putting your “friend” in. She couldn’t risk speaking out for you, she never got the right to!
