10/23/2019
I'm gearing up to be very vulnerable in as many places as I can in April. Triumphant Butterfly was created for all humans who have been s*xually assaulted. However, there is a huge stigma in the African American community. We hide our "dirty" secrets. The movement helped many women say but most didn't tell their story or deal with their emotions. We learn to compartmentalize and put it away on some neat shelf in our brain. Despite telling parts of my story, that's even a foreword to a book that I've yet to read, I am STILL a master at comparmentalizing and disassociating. I have worked with countless female Survivors and a few male Survivors and it's always the same it hurts and it's something we can never forget. No one has a right to tell anyone how long it takes to heal. The fact is we work through but at any time a smell, a voice, an arbitrary object to others, takes us right back to that place. What I wrote in the foreward of that book is no longer completely true. I told the absolute truth at that time but a person turned my truth into a lie. I became that little girl all over again. I remember the day I let all sink in I was inconsolable. I had a prescription for anxiety medication and I didn't fill it because I was "fine". I called two people and honest to God I don't remember who one was because I must have left a message. When that person called me back, I told them it was okay because I was speaking to my cousin (sister). All I can remember was her telling me was it was okay and to just let it all out. At the same time, I sent my son, who only had his permit at the time to the pharmacy to get my prescription filled. I remember him coming home and telling I needed to pull it together because he didn't want his sister seeing me like that. I do not remember seeing my daughter that day. I think I took my medication while on the phone and when I was able to calm down I got off the phone and I think I took a nap. Why am I sharing this story? If I cannot have clear memory of that how does anyone expect Survivors have clear memories of their Assault. Some people remember every detail but others do not. I have started and stopped writing my book countless times. I even asked permission of people who loosely tied to my perpetrator who hurt me the most if they were okay with me publishing a book and all were okay with it. I think subconsciously I wanted them say no. So, while begin my journey to write I'd like to get stories from those willing to share and it can be done anonymously for the book. However, the attached video has inspired me to put together a documentary of African American women to release in April- S*xual Assault Awareness Month. If you are willing to tell your story please let me know. I hope I'm done with my book by then as well. We have stand strong and united for the next generation and young women and little girls who are going through this and afraid to speak up to get out there situation. It's also for the adults who know it's happening but turning a blind eye because maybe they'll feel compelled to save child.
IF YOU ARE NOT IN A GOOD PLACE EMOTIONALLY AND ARE A SEXUAL ASSAULT SURVIVOR THIS VIDEO WILL TRIGGER YOU SO DO NOT WATCH. IF YOU WATCH AND BECOME TRIGGERED YOU CAN CALL ME, RAINN, OR YOUR LOCAL R**E CRISIS CENTER....RAINN CAN CONNECT YOU WITH YOUR LOCAL R**E CRISIS CENTER. IF YOU DO NOT WANT VERBALLY SPEAK TO SOMEONE, RAINN HAS A 24/7 CHAT ON THEIR WEBSITE.
RAINN: rainn.org 800.656.4673
YOU CAN REACH ME ON THE NUMBER LISTED ON THIS PAGE; Triumphant Butterfly.
YOU CAN ALSO CALL ME VIA MESSENGER IF YOU ARE SEEING THIS ON MY PERSONAL PAGE.
HERE'S THE LINK TO THE VIDEO: https://www.buzzfeed.com/watch/video/81617
