Our Story
Welcome to Alana's Angels. I hope that our story inspires you to share information to others in need. It is an amazing feeling to share the hope that we have found over the past 6 years with other families. My name is Alicia Todisco and I share this story with the most amazing man, my husband, Jesse Todisco. Our daughter, Alana Marie Todisco, was born March 14, 2008. My husband and I embarked on a journey that week that we will never forget and has changed the core of who we are and how we live our lives. Alana was born very sick. We had a very healthy, full-term pregnancy and had no idea she was going to be anything less than perfect. During a 40 hour labor and 3½ hours of pushing Alana was fatally injured. We spent the next full week in the NICU and March 21, 2008 our daughter died. The next few days are truly a blur. We wanted to run away to the beach, the mountains, anywhere but there. We have always been blessed with an amazing cast of support around us. After we left the hospital our special angel Dr. Lynne Whitson took time to organize the funeral arrangements. After a couple of days we laid our tiny baby to rest under the shade of a big beautiful tree…Alana’s Tree. The following weeks were very strange. Jesse was a rock and I was on a rollercoaster that seemed to not stop! One day I was fine and felt as if nothing had happened. I was confident that I had my grief under control. Of course that is…until the next day when I could not get out of bed or control my tears. This went on for a full year. I was spiraling out of control a little more every day. I spent time daily at the cemetery visiting Alana’s grave. I would take a lawn chair and sit for as long as the sun would allow some days. The ground over my poor daughter’s body was healing faster than I was. When the grass began to grow over her grave I was particularly hurt; mad really. There was some comfort in relishing in the raw pain. I felt as if I was dishonoring her short little life if I started to heal. Once I realized that the days of strength were fewer than the days of grief and pain I joined a support group for families who had lost babies. I assure you I understand it is not a club anyone wants to be a part of. However, it seemed to be comforting to me that I was not alone with some of the feelings and thoughts I had been having. These families became a lifeline for me; a club that understood how I felt; my fears, my hopes, my lack of luster for life and my desire not to get stuck in this dark place. They never judged me or said “everything happens for a reason.”
As the weeks continued I would spend time at the cemetery close to my daughter and once a week I was with my group. One day I realized that there were always fresh arrangements at a grave on the other side of Alana’s Tree. As I approached the headstone I realized the date of birth. It was a grave site of a teenage boy. Too young to die and leave his mother and father behind. I wrote a letter to his mother and left it on his headstone. For weeks she and I continued to write back and forth. I again realized that Jesse and I were not going through this core shattering loss alone. I had made a friend under Alana’s Tree. Though we never met she will forever be an inspiration to me in starting this foundation. As we approached Alana’s first birthday my anxiety grew. I realized that the baby I held in my arms for a week would forever live in my heart. However, a decision had to be made. Would she live in a broken heart or would I rebuild a heart that she could live in forever as a happy memory. My genius husband brought this to my attention. As we were driving home one day from a weekend trip from our co-founder of Alana’s Angels, the Sledges, Jesse said to me “Do you realize how lucky we are to have had her for a full week? At some point you are going to need to focus on her life and not her death.” Powerful right? So that is exactly what we did! A few weeks later we invited family and friends to join us in celebrating the life of our daughter. We had our first balloon release and then had a big party with cake and ice-cream. It was so healing and gave us the spark of hope 6 years ago necessary to create this foundation. When we lose a parent or sibling:
Over time we have realized that we want to have more children. Alana was our first child. We have engaged many others who lost a second, third or fourth child. That means there were siblings that had to deal with the loss of their lost brothers and sisters. It is an obvious addition to our focus. A couple of years after we lost Alana my husband lost his mother, Kathy. The pain and grief we had when his mother passed away was very strong. They had a very close relationship. A parents love is a two way street. Parents always refer to their offspring as their children; no matter their age. So we want to reach children of all ages. My husband and his sister’s healing has been a work in progress. The grief is very real and we are encouraged by our experiences to help others reconnect with peace and hope. We lost a baby; we have also lost a parent and a baby before we could give her a name. There are no age limits to consider with our reach. We say children who have lost parents we know that our parents always consider us their children. We say children but we know that the loss of a fetus is losing a child. Share our message with those who have:
• Lost a baby
• Lost a child before they were given a name (miscarriage)
• Lost a young child
• Lost a teen
• Lost an adult child
• Lost a parent
• Lost a sibling
We would be honored to share our story with them in hopes to offer grief relief.
