The Guyana Blog

The Guyana Blog A Community Blog for Guyanese by Guyanese about everyday life, and all topics of interest to Guyanese living in Guyana and out of Guyana.

11/08/2023

Guyanese Sweet man

‘Ear dis ting. Leh we start wid definitions. What or who is a Guyanese sweet man? A Guyanese sweet man by definition is a wutless big man dat like hustle people wife. Pure and simple, de man wutless suh till, ah tell yuh. Ayuh tail better know dat me ent know dese tings personally, yuh know, is people dem dat does tell me. Hehehe. See, when I done run me mouth hey suh, sweet man dem gun vex wid me bad-bad. As far as a sweet man thinking goes, dem g*t nuff benefits to being a sweet man. One a de biggest benefits to being a sweet man is lack of maintenance budday. Wuh ah mean by dat? Arright, hear story hay.

*Disclaimer* None a de ‘oman dem who a read dis story hey, nah gah sweet man suh ayuh know me ent talkin bout ayuh right? Hehehe.

A bannas get wife. ‘E gah she stach up in de house. ‘E gah fuh maintain de ‘oman. Everyting she need he gaff fuh buy. ‘E gaff fuh buy fancy clothes and shoe, ‘E gaff fuh do she hair and nails. ‘E gaff fuh pay fuh fancy trips here and dere. ‘E gaff fuh pay fuh Cultural Center tickets, Movie Town tickets and all de fancy food dat sellin deh. In odda words, de man gaffuh be present, visible and a paymaster. Nah suh? Right, right. Hehehe. But de sweet man? Nah man, he know he ent gaff fuh tek on all dat stress. He cyant carry she no way cus de husband gun know. Seawall? No to dat, cus huzzy gun find out or some crass gun run dem mouth and ‘e gun find out. Cultural Center? Forget dat, same story, some tout gun buss she bag. Movie Town? Awah name dat? Suh de sweetman deh calculating and sehing to ‘eself, “Budday, dem got nuff benefits in dis sweetman-ing ting hey suh. I gettin nuff honey an me nah gah spend nuff money. Hehehe. See story hey? Yuh ketchin de drift. Hehehe.

Yuh does doan jus be sweet man wild-wild yuh know. Dem g*t nuff calculation in dis ting. Sweet man done calculate, “Budday, I got a built-in excuse fuh doan spend nuff money pon dis ‘oman. De man will reasonably argue dat, “Ow girl, yuh know dat I wan carry yuh to all a dem fancy places bad-bad but, (and hear de magic words hay), “Huzzy gun find out.” Ow lawd budday, she cyant argue wid dat now can she? Hehehe. Perfect excuse. Hehehe. If I buy yuh tail a set a fancy clothes an jewelry, yuh huzzy gun ask yuh is weh yuh get dem form. See? Dat is a reasonable excuse. Now say with me… “Huzzy gun find out.” Cyant do dat. Hehehe. Same ting wid hair and nails… Que: “Huzzy gun find out.” Cyant do dat!

Arright, nex very important benefit dat any, an all sweet man dat know ‘e onions done know. When ‘oman get a sweet man, de man cud get she fuh do ting dat poor Mister Huzzy cyant geh she fuh do ‘tall-‘tall. Swing pon de ceiling? She doin dat. Hehehe. Fancy gallop? She doin dat. Energetic? She full a energy budday. Hehehe. Imagination? Gi she five stars fuh dat. Hehehe. (Yuh remember school days when you teacher dem used fuh put stars (check marks) pon uh test papers in yuh exercise book?) Stars budday stars. Hehehe. Sweet talk? Um so sweet, yuh gun turn diabetic when she done wid yuh tail. Hehehe.

Yuh know how Guyana gah nuff tiefman right? Dem is anadda story tuh. But leh we talk dis story hey… Bright day time two tiefman break into a man house and tie up de man and de lady in de house right? Dem tief man tek dem time budday, and pack up all de man valuables an suh. When dem done and dem about fuh walk out a de house wid de tings dem tief, de man start fuh beg dem tief man fuh sarry fuh de lady an loose she out. Dem tief man laugh at ‘e and seh, yuh mad or wuh? If we loose she out as soon as we gone she tail gun call de police pon we. De man start beg mo bad and swear dat she ent gun call no police. “Ow budday, loose she out nah meh a beg ayuh, she nah gun call no police. Now dem tief man dem surprise. Dem tell de man, “Budday, you mussie really love yuh wife nah?” De man nod ‘e head and seh, “Yea man I love she suh bad, me ent wan she come home and see dis ‘oman tie up inside she house haysuh.” Hehehe. Yuh tink de life of a sweet man easy? Nah all de time Budday, dem man does geh one-one headache tuh.

Case in point. Village Ram: a man who believe dat Gawd put he down hay fuh ‘service’ all de ladies in de village. Well dis particular village ram/sweet man used fuh be a ole time sweet boy who graduate from ‘sweetboyin’ and turn sweet man now. Ayuh know dem ole time sweet man dat like deh wearing a one side ear ring, got jerry –curl hair, an a snap brim hat and two gold teeth. Yuh know de man right? Hehehe. Dem like deh sipping off de young girls dem when dem passing pon de road. Well hear story nah, de sweet man come home from wuk early a day. ‘E wife did stay home from wuk dat day too cus she did tell ‘e since de night before dat she had a “headache” when ‘e did ask she fuh lil bit. Ayuh know dem ‘headache’ story tuh right? Hehehe. Now hear dis, ayuh man dem gaff fuh be careful how ayuh going home early wild-wild. Yuh cyant jus guh home early budday. Ayuh gaff fuh be considerate and gi dem ‘oman a heads up… fuh sweet man sake. Hehehe. Going home unexpectedly early cud be fraught wit peril. Yuh know how much man heart bottom fall out cus dem guh home too early? If yuh heart nah good, stick to yuh regular schedule budday. If yuh gaffuh leff wuk early, yuh should brace up by a lantern post till yuh regular time come fuh guh home. Hehehe. Well de man notice a strange bicycle when ‘e come home an decide fuh sneak upstairs cus ‘e suspect was anadda sweetman like ‘e self, upstairs. But listen story, any self respectin’ sweet man gaff fuh get a good set a ears pon he head budday. It goes wid de territory. Hehehe. You gaff fuh hear a pin fall even before it hit de ground budday. Ayuh hear meh? Yuh gaff fuh hear de pin as it FALLING budday, by the time it hit the ground is too late. Hehehe. Well de sweet man upstairs hear ‘e come sneaking up. Yall ever hear story bout sweet man jumping out window naked, wid ‘e clothes in he hand when the husband come home? Well was dis sweet man dat start dat trend. Hehehe.

Ayuh wutless sweet man dem, ayuh need fuh stap duh bleddy nonsense. Ketch lil church an save ayuh soul and leff people wife alone yea. SMH!

We gun gaff latuh.
--AJ Massay

10/30/2023

Guyanese Sweet Boy

‘Ear dis ting. Leh we start wid definitions. What or who is a Guyanese sweet boy? A Guyanese sweet boy, (not to be confused with a Guyanese Sweet man. I gun talk bout de sweet man latuh) Hehehe. A real-real sweet boy could be defined as a bannas who look lil good facially speaking, got a set a sweet talks in ‘e mouth and does dress up nice. Of course ‘e gaff fuh get nuff girlfriend tuh you know right? A sweet boy in Standard English is a player, a gi**lo, a man who like nuff woman. Me? I was never a sweet boy yuh know but nuff people used fuh confuse me wid one. I ent lyin. I did have some, not all, but some a de sweet boy ear marks and some people who ent watch me close enough, used fuh get foolup and confuse. Hehehe. What was I guilty of yuh ask? Being a friendly bannas. I did like girl company and nuff a me friends was girls, dat was all. But me wasn’t no sweet boy I sehing to dis day… me ent lyin. Hehehe.

Leh I tell yuh story hey. No proper self-respecting mother and especially fathers, nah want dem lil girl chile hanging round no sweet boy. All parents, especially fathers again, know dat sweet boy is nuff-nuff trouble. Sweet boy always in de latest fashion, de latest hairstyle, de latest boots, shoe, sneaker etc. Since is Guyana ah talking bout, a gaff fuh add in slippers tuh. Hehehe I cud remember, back in me day when string tie come into fashion, dem sweet boy aint want dem regular tie no mo yuh know. Naw man, dat was ole news. Yuh g*ts to keep up wid de times budday. Was string ties of all descriptions and degrees of intricacies. Yuh had fuh get gold teeth tuh. Dat was a big plus. You could always tell when a man proud a he gold teeth. De man does deh smling-smiling at everything, whether it funny or not. Example? Well watch dis hay. You could see a Kiskadee, a normal regular Kiskadee dat deh dime a dozen in Guyana, you could see one fly in a tree and seh, “Look dat Kiskadee jus fly in dat mango tree deh.” De gold teeth man gun spin round, smiling even before ‘e complete the aforementioned ‘spin’ and start laughing showing all he gold teeth dem. Once you see a man deh smiling-smiling and looking round as he smiling, is either de man crazy or he got nuff gold teeth in e mouth. Hehehe

Doan matter how you warn yuh girl chile and threaten de girl fuh knock out she teeth if she doan leff dat sweet boy alone, wuh you think de girl gun do? Me wasn’t no sweet boy but one-one supposedly sharp eyed mothers used to warn dem girl child fuh doan even look in me direction, doan even smile at me. Wuh yuh tink de girl chile do? Mek a guess. That right there has thought me a valuable lesson dat I gun tek wid me to meh grave yeh. De lesson is dis: When yuh lil girl chile set she sights pon a lil boy, you better carry de lil girl to de Lord in prayer. You better pray without ceasing, cus duh girl nah gun listen to you, you could talk proverbial cheese, she nah listening to you. Yes, you mek de chile but yuh nah mek she mind. You teach she good values, you insist dat the lil girl guh to church pon Friday, Saturday or Sunday based on which church you does attend. You mek sure dat lil girl chile get all de warnings, red light flashing, warning bells ringing loud-loud. Wuh you tink dat girl chile gun do? Ah dating mehself hey suh wid dis story hey, but when she see de sweet boy wid he tight crimpaline pants wid de bell bottoms ringing loud-loud, wid he two and a half inch high-heel kickers and he fancy string tie come chipping by and smiling at she wid he brand new sparkling gold teeth mouth. Budday? Is wuh you think dat girl gun do? Pray without ceasing meh boy, pray without ceasing.

Dis is de intrinsic problems with sweet boys. I been mistaken fuh a sweet boy enough times fuh know. Hehehe. Most a dem man aint serious bout you lil girl budday. Is a set a gold teeth flashing and a set a sweet talks. Now-a-days is dreadlocks and tattoos. Dem bannas does study girls, dem does larn (learn) de tings dat dem girl like hear, Dem man does know de right tone a voice, the right facial expression, dem man does know how fuh stress de right syllables, dem man does got the appropriate ‘hustle stance’- dem does round off dem back and lower them head till them lips almost deh brushing de lil girl ears and deh talking soft-soft. You could look at a man hustling a girl from a distance and know dat is hustling he hustling without even hearing a word ‘e sehing. Me ent lyin. Dem man does promise de world and if yuh ent careful, dem gun add in couple stars and a moon or two tuh. De poor lil girl walking away thinking that she could start she own lil galaxy wid dat world, moons and couple star yuh promise dem. Next ting yuh know, de lil girl belly big and yuh cyant find de sweet boy cus once baby commin, he tail going. “Baby Coming = Sweet Boy Going” I should put dat pon a t-shirt, I gun geh rich. Hehehe

And women, some a yall at fault tuh. ‘Ear wuh, yall tail does dress up dem lil boy chile fancy-fancy, and deh praising de lil boy telling he dat he look nice an he gun bruk dem girls hearts. Yall callin he sweet boy and deh seying, “Watch meh lil sweet boy deh.” See dat? Affirmation in yuh tail. Hear dis one, hear dis one… “I loose meh bull, allyuh better tie yuh heffer dem.” Affermation in yuh tail again. Lang story short. Two ting: (1) Drum lil sense in girl pickney dis. Raise she in de right way and send she to de right places and mostly (2) pray fuh de lil girl dem. While yuh bout it, pray fuh de sweet boy dem tuh. Dat them change dem ways. Stap… stap enabling and encouraging dem since dem is bout five and six, wid dem kinda talks tuh. Hehehe.

We gun gaff latuh and look out fuh de sweet man story nex time.
--AJ Massay

10/26/2023

Street Food – Dog variety

‘Ear wuh. I write bout dis before and yall know is true. Guyana gah de best food, period, hands down and anybody who think different, guh cook you own damn food. Hehehe. A set a man buse me and tell me my opinion is subjective. Hear story hay. Of course it subjective Budday, everything is subjective based on your perspective. Duh ent mean dat it ent true though. But hear wuh I talkin bout today – Street Food fuh dog specifically.

I remember the dog food explosion in Guyana when every two corner yuh pass, somebody g*t a lil stand wid a set a red or blue $10 plastic bag full a dog food. Dem selling de bag a food fuh $100. True to Gawd, dem had mo dag food dan dog fuh feed Budday. Every corner had at least two dag food salesman. Every corner Budday. Dem stray dawg did walkin round suckin dem teeth cus yuh had dag food fuh pelt dag wid and dem deh suckin salt and dem cyant geh none ah dem own food dat deh selling at every street corner. Imagine dat? Insult to injury Buddy.

Some people seh was a Chiney Restaurant man pon Mandela Avenue who fuss come up wid de idea fuh get rid of all of dem left over food. But me ent sure is who fuss come up wid de idea fuh mek and sell dag food pon de street corner but yuh know how Guyanese dem fass and like copycat right? From de time dem see de fuss dog food man set up ‘e stand by de street corner and start sell dag food, an how dem cheap dag owners start flock de man fuh buy de dag food, everybody and dem grand mudda turn dag food salesman and start a lil business buying de bruk up dutty rice dat nobody din wan buy from dem grocery store man wid some lil beef scraps and start a dag food business.

Nex ting yuh know, dem same beef scraps and pork scraps dat the butcher man dem used fuh can’t gi way fuh free, dem same scraps start selling fuh a million dollars a pound Budday, me ent lying. In fact yuh know wuh happen? Dem same beef scraps and bone scraps and all dem other dutty meat scraps dat dem butcher man used to sneak out and dump in yuh alley drain behind yuh house, dem same scraps start sell mo expensive than regular beef. Me ent lying, is true.

‘Ear wuh does kill me out bout dis dag food business Budday… de ingredients dem. Now tell me why in heavens name, yuh gun put seasonings like garlic and onion and cassareep in dag food Budday? Dem dag doan care bout dat! Some a dem man does even put Chiney spice, salt and cube and suh. Fuh wuh Budday, fuh wuh? Usually de food is got a set a rice, wid lil beef, chicken and pork scraps and bone in um. Because dem dag food cook want um look good and smell nice fuh de dag owner dem, dem does color de rice wid cassareep and Chiney spice. Dem does mek a kind a cookup ting widout coconut milk. Dat is nah shine rice right? Wait man, shine rice does doan g*t coconut milk or um does doan g*t peas? Is which one? Shoots. Hehehe.

Remember when we did lil we used to call dem road dag, rice eater right? Well is pure rice eater dem gah now budday. Bout 95% of de food is rice and de res is some kind a mystery meat and some seasonings. Dem dag dis need a balanced meal tuh. Plus all dag food cook nah created equal. Yuh might find one or two dat might add in lil greens, one-foot-fowl and scrap vegetables from de market. Nah jus rice budday nah jus rice. If all dem dag getting is carbohydrates and bone wuh you tink gun happen? Is a set a fat dag waddling round de place. Now dem dag gun turn pig. Nah suh? Hehehe.

Plus as bad as it is fuh dem stray and road dag, fuh add insult to injury, dem does get a set a competition from de junkies on de road tuh. So in addition to de stray dag sucking dem teeth and crossing up dem eye when dem see a set a dog food sellin and dem cyant get none, dem also g*t a set a competition from humans. Look on de bright side though, at least de Ju**ies mo picky dat dem road dag. Dem does want a portion a food wid nuff bone in um. Meh know dis part is nah laugh story but ah mean if dem Ju**ie gun pay dem $100 fuh a bag a food, gi dem man something fuh suck an chew nah man. Put nuff bone in de bag mistuh cook, put nuff bone in de bag. Hehehe.
We gun gaff latuh.
--AJ Massay

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