23/07/2026
😂 If you think today's love letters are romantic, wait till you read this one from 2000! 👇🏽
They say old-school love was pure... but after reading this letter, you'll realize it also came with grammar that could confuse a dictionary. 🤣
Pri Grammar School,
P. O. Box 18,
Adok
Eastern Region,
Leer County.
7th July, 2000.
Dear Cement of My Heart,
With unlimited joy, immeasurable happiness and extraordinary excitement, my humble pen has decided to perform acrobatic gymnastics upon this glorified sheet of paper.
I sincerely hope you are floating peacefully in the ocean of good health. As for me, I am marching majestically in the boulevard of wellness while my heartbeat continues to mention your beautiful name every blessed minute.
Ever since my two biological eyes captured your angelic appearance, my cardiac engine has refused to operate normally. Whenever you smile, all the chemicals in my anatomy hold an emergency meeting, and my medulla oblongata begins to misbehave.
My dearest honeybee, permit me to confess with absolute sincerity that I love you beyond the calculation of mathematics, the measurement of geography and the explanation of biology. Even my English teacher cannot define the magnitude of my affection for you.
Whenever you pass by my classroom, my brain automatically forgets algebra, arithmetic and even simple spelling. My classmates believe I am solving equations, not knowing that I am busy calculating the probability of becoming your future husband.
If anybody tells you that I am exaggerating, kindly inform him that my love is scientifically proven, geographically approved and historically documented. This is neither hyperbole nor onomatopoeia but a practical demonstration of genuine affection.
Your previous letter produced excessive jubilation inside my thoraxial cavity. It transformed my gloomy atmosphere into a paradise of continuous exhilaration. My appetite multiplied, my sleeping capacity increased and even my handwriting became stylistically fit the line.
Your nightmare soulmate
~NEUTRO
