02/05/2025
Just having the same religious values doesn’t mean a marriage will last.
Things like height, age, looks, family background, or social status are not enough either. The most important thing is matching minds — thinking in the same way, having similar views and goals in life.
Even very religious couples sometimes get divorced. This even happened with some of the best people from the early days of Islam. Both the husband and wife were good in faith, but the marriage still didn’t work.
That’s why it’s important to ask and answer some honest questions before marriage — to understand each other’s mindset. For example, one person may dream of raising a child who becomes a scholar or a fighter for the faith, while the other wants a doctor or an engineer.
— What dreams do you have for your future children?
— What are your plans for the Muslim community?
— How much do you care about money and success in this world? What things must happen, and what things can be skipped? What are you willing to give up, and what not?
— What kind of wife does the groom want — what should she do, how should she be? What kind of husband does the bride want — how should he act, what should he do? These things should be shared clearly, not kept hidden.
If these topics are not discussed before marriage and only come out later, then both people may slowly realize their thinking is very different. And when two people think very differently, it’s hard to move forward together. If their minds don’t match at least a little, it’s hard to keep the marriage strong.
So, whether it’s in front of a mahram (a trusted family member), or privately with care and respect — even through writing — both people should get to know each other’s thoughts.
If the minds match enough, and the rest seems manageable through adjustment, then the chance of divorce becomes much lower.
Still, some divorces may happen — that’s fate.
© Shah Mohammad Tonmoy
