29/10/2026
I don't often write humour content but this is something I came up with. I always describe myself as neurodivergent, but somebody asked me for details (as in which neurotype) so of course my brain went on a detour and wrote this. I hope you like it 🙈
AuDHD+™
THE NEXT GENERATION OF HUMAN INTELLIGENCE.
Introducing the most expansive neurological technology in its class.
ULTRA-HD VISUAL PROCESSING
Experience the world in breathtaking detail, with an extraordinary spectrum of colour, light contrast and clarity. Every pixel matters. Including the ones you wish you couldn't see. You won't be able to find your sunglasses, so don't bother.
360° HYPERSENSITIVE SURROUND SOUND
Hear everything. Everywhere. Simultaneously. A far cry from our previous models with inaudible electricity. You will hear that and a conversation two streets away. Noise cancellation sold separately.
ADVANCED MULTI-CHANNEL PROCESSING
Run seventeen necessary interconnected thought processes simultaneously via one button. All of those processes are mandated continuously by helpful systemic infrastructure*
ENHANCED PATTERN RECOGNITION
See connections other systems weren't designed to detect. Discover patterns, detect anomalies and connect information while simultaneously being aware you sound kind of nuts to most people if you ever dare talk about it. Don't worry, most won't understand you anyway due to limitations in compatibility*
UNPRECEDENTED SYSTEM SENSITIVITY
Rapidly responds to environmental changes where conventional models fail to register. Responses vary, broadly. Good luck with that.
*COMPATIBILITY NOTICE
Not compatible with existing educational, occupational, social, health or residential infrastructure**
Abnormal compatibility with nature and organic life, especially cats.
AuDHD+™
Enhanced functionality. Enhanced incompatibility. The next generation of human intelligence - if they would only stop poisoning us.
*Reports of overheating after short periods. No returns, and adjustments not compatible.
**May experience system shutdowns, explosions and reduced performance due to exposure to toxic operating environments. Caution is advised.
Copyright ©️ Alexandra Chambers
-The Neurotopia Project