22/04/2025
Dear Beanie
I remember this picture like it was yesterday. We came here to escape, to spend a few hours doing nothing but being with each other, the sun was shining but you weren’t happy about the wind ❤️. (It’s still windy up here today)
I remember taking this picture of you as we headed back to the car, my head was swimming while reluctantly walking back at the end of another day knowing they were numbered, taking all the photos in an attempt to hold on to this, wishing we could freeze time and stay on this hill forever in this moment, desperate to stop the clock ticking on us, knowing you would deteriorate but not knowing how fast, afraid to go to bed for fear of what the next day would bring. But you still managed to bring so much joy in all of this, there was no fear for you just love, just the moment.
I’m so greatful for those days we had, it was a battle and they were numbered but that meant we knew how precious they were, we did everything we could, that sleepless night we got up and drove to a field, sat on the back of the truck and watched the sunrise (you watched the sunrise, we watched your face). The bubble machine and music in the garden, the living room disco’s, fireworks and camping we soaked up every good moment. We noticed every detail of you, the curve of your cheek your little nose, the fullness of your lips and the smell of your skin, we spent every drop of energy making sure in those last days and weeks that your world was not just comfortable but filled with smiles, laughs, bubbles, stories and George Ezra songs.
It’s almost impossible to understand how 5 years have passed since I last saw you, held you and kissed you goodbye. Some days I walk as if you are beside me, others are still a battle.
I love you and miss you as much as I did that day, always will.
Always yours,
Mama x
We are part of Alice’s Arc a children’s cancer charity working to find kinder, better treatments for children with rhabdomyosarcoma.
https://www.alicesarc.org/arc/beanie-evans/