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Sophie James, Horsham (2026)

04/09/2026

My Constant Search

If there is one thing that has always made me feel different from other people, it's the way my brain is constantly looking for what's next.

I'll be doing something fun and at the same time I'll already be thinking about what I could do afterwards. I've found myself in this constant cycle of either endless activity (completly overworking myself) or a feeling of emptiness when there isn't anything to focus on.

When I have no plans or I'm not doing anything in particular, I can become incredibly restless. That restlessness can quickly spiral into a much darker feeling. I start searching for things to do, putting my mind or body to work because sitting with that lack of stimulation can feel genuinely uncomfortable.

But somehow, the course I actually want to complete, I put that off and off and off. Somehow I'm suddenly too tired for that. It's a very different type of energy and focus I have to put into that I guess.

I think part of this comes down to how my neurodivergent brain responds to stimulation and reward. I am autistic and ADHD. We know dopamine is involved in motivation, reward and our anticipation of rewarding experiences, and ADHD is associated with differences in dopamine signalling.

For me, stimulating or novel activities can feel particularly motivating, while something that feels repetitive, distant or not so easy to start can be very hard to engage with. I know this is the general human experience but we are talking about how I can take this to quite an extreme.

So I wouldn't say I'm constantly chasing dopamine. It's more that my brain seems to really benefit from stimulation, novelty, interest and a sense of reward.

And for me, boredom, or a general lack of stimulation, can sometimes feel almost painful. It can be physically uncomfortable, frustrating and genuinely quite depressing. That's why lectures at University felt impossible for me as it was the type of learning where I just had to sit and watch. Nothing went in and I just wanted to get out. Hence why I basically didn't go to any lectures. 😩

I've always felt very up and down. Either I'm incredibly occupied and cheerful, or I can feel really flat and hopeless. It's not like I have a boring life.

Just some of the hobbies I've been into include skipping with all the tricks, handstands, badminton, running, weightlifting, makeup, reading, gaming, deep cleaning, decorating, learning Polish, crocheting, singing, yoga, cooking, baking bread and many, many more.

I'm known for always doing something, but when I stop, I can become very down very quickly. It's very intense!

So, learning how to rest has been incredibly important for me. Mindfulness has also become one of the tools I keep coming back to, especially when I find myself in those difficult periods. Last night I went to a hotpod yoga but it was a meditative class and was EXACTLY what my body needed after feeling pretty down in the dumps with the restlessness feeling.

I've had to learn that I don't need to constantly be achieving, doing or experiencing something for my life to have value. There isn't someone sitting there judging me on how productive or impressive I am. I can just exist.

And I think that's something I always remind other people too - there isn't one single way to keep life fulfilling and content. We're going to go through difficult periods for all sorts of reasons, and what we need from ourselves, our environment and our support can change depending on what's happening.

The important thing, I think, is recognising that just because a strategy didn't "last" doesn't mean it didn't work. We might try something, forget about it, stop doing it for six months and then suddenly realise we need it again.

That doesn't make it useless.

That's why mindfulness is a practice. We're practising how we relate to our thoughts, feelings and experiences. And like any form of training, we don't just do it once and expect to have mastered it forever.

I also understand now that my natural biology can sometimes make this world quite difficult to navigate. I crave stimulation, adventure and being around people, but I also crave routine, predictability and quiet. I can become overwhelmed quite easily, despite desperately wanting more stimulation.

A fun little mixture? My fiancé certainly never has a boring day with me. 😂

But having that gentle understanding of what's happening in my brain and body means I can adapt rather than constantly criticise myself.

I can recognise that I might need something stimulating and engaging in my day, while also building in time to slow down and let my nervous system decompress. I can be present with whatever is happening rather than immediately trying to escape it or change it.

And, most importantly, I can remind myself that I don't have to fight the way my brain works.I can learn to work with it. ❤️

03/09/2026

Play is important

I decided I want to incorporate more play into my life. I easily get understimulated and then bored and then feel really lethargic and bad. It's a cycle I hate feeling caught up in.

I know I used to always enjoy sports. I liked the movement for fun and the natural competition of it all. Not really team sports, but I loved 1:1 games with my family growing up.

So I got a young person's membership at my local leisure centre and I'm getting myself up early before work to get a little bit competitive with my fiance. It's also great because I can go with my friends and family!

It's really lightened my mood and I think it really sets me up for the rest of the day as a very hyperactive person.🙂

So here I am playing some babminton with my fiance, definitely not looking my prettiest at 7.30am, but it's my time to just have fun and move my body! 😂💫

I hope this inspires anyone who may feel the same. ❤️

31/08/2026

Understanding what the real world is actually like is one of the hardest parts of being a neurodivergent mentor. 😕

From the age of 13, I understood that I was autistic. My school said they would give me some reasonable adjustments because I was struggling with the environment and, well, they were okay...

I was supposedly given a card to help me beat the queue at lunch, although I never actually received it and was just told to explain it to the teachers on duty. In my last couple of years, I was given a room I could go to and do my work.

But I always felt like I had to figure things out myself.

When we told my college we thought I was autistic, they said I made eye contact fine so they didn't think I was. I felt very over dramatic.

When I first went to work at 16, I struggled with the overwhelm of a full day in a café. I ended up calling in sick quite a lot because I felt I couldn't cope and felt very avoidant, and eventually they stopped giving me shifts. Fair enough.

Then I started a new job, at this point I was diagnosed, and there were things they flagged that were, quite honestly, just me being neurodivergent. I didn't realise my shift had changed because of a bank holiday and didn't turn up. I was accused of lying and could see them looking at me as someone who was just making excuses.

I'd explained from the beginning about my neurodivergence and how much I needed things to be made really clear to me, but I wasn't given much grace. I was told I wasn't a team player, that I focused too much on individual tasks and that I needed to multitask more.

I eventually quit from sheer embarrassment because I felt like everyone thought I was weak. I didn't fit in at all.

When I started gardening, I was the only young woman there, with only two women in the whole team. I actually really liked this job. I could wear my headphones, focus on gardening and my manager was really supportive of me.

But I would only work with my manager because he was the only man there who wasn't making me uncomfortable, and they knew that themselves. There was language and behaviour that I know Facebook would absolutely blow up over, and eventually it became too much and I quit.

The same thing happened with the last company I worked for, where the manager was the one making inappropriate comments and behaving inappropriately towards me. When I complained about it, I was let go.

These are "just jobs", but they really affected how I saw myself.

Throughout my education, I found it incredibly difficult to advocate for myself because I knew what I might receive in return.

Not support or empathy.

A judgemental look and that horrible feeling of shame flooding through my body. I never want to make someone feel this way that I was always made to feel by the people who should have supported me.

I really needed support with my anxiety, difficulties with peers and RSD. My educational mentor through my DSA at University helped me enormously. They would sit with me each week, help me with my work, break things down and encourage me. This was especially great because I found the learning style at University really difficult for me with my processing differences.

It was honestly some of the best support I'd ever received.

I look at my own story now and I do truthfully worry about so many fellow neurodivergent people entering education, work and adulthood.

As much as I want to change the world, advocate for reasonable adjustments and continue fighting for better understanding, I also want to support people in building the independent and fulfilling life they want. They have goals and motivations and passions that I never want to hold them back in!

And I think that's where the balance becomes difficult.

It's a need to understand ourselves and learn how to work with our neurotypes, but I also think for some of us it's very important to understand that the real world won't always see us in the ways it should. Let me emphasise that it should.

I hate the idea of forcing neurodivergent people to become more "neurotypical". I would never want that.

But I do think we need to understand the realities of the world we're living in and learn ways to protect ourselves, advocate for ourselves and navigate situations that aren't always going to be accommodating.

This of course depends on the individual, their needs and if they are capable of being fully independent. I'm talking about a lot of individuals who are very similar to me.

It can feel the same as being a woman in this world - we will not always be treated with the equality we deserve. It's not something we should accept of course, but it's something we must understand so we aren't brutally slapped in the face like I found myself being when I went into a not predominantly female working environment.

There isn't really a final message to this post.

It's just something I think about a lot in my mentoring. I see myself when I was younger thinking that the world was a lot more forgiving and simple than I found it to be and it hurts me because I wish it was for her.

I know what it's like to be autistic, ADHD, a young woman and trying to find your place in education and the working world.

And sometimes, the hardest part isn't understanding our neurodivergence. It's figuring out how to exist in a world that doesn't always understand it either. That's why we NEED support and its about trying to find balance of making a neurodivergent person's world just a little easier and lighter. ❤️

Luckily, there are so many industries and workplaces that are becoming more accommodating to neurodivergent people, and that genuinely gives me so much hope.️ Whether that's flexible working, clearer communication, quieter environments, predictable routines or simply understanding that people work differently, there are employers who are recognising the value neurodivergent people can bring.

The jobs I worked in didn't really understand neurodivergence as something they needed to consider, even though these adjustments should be much more normalised. The world is changing, and we just have to keep pushing for better understanding and more inclusive workplaces! ✨️

30/08/2026

The best part of being a Neurodivergent Mentor

Watching the journey of a fellow neurodivergent individual develop self compassion, gain a deeper understanding of their own neurotype and find ways to make their life more aligned with who they are... is truly the most rewarding part of my job.

It feels a little bit like watching someone slowly bloom into their true self. 🌱

It's not always an easy road and it can be challenging at times - for all of us. We might face internalised ableism, the injustice of unfair systems, deep routed insecurities and a lot us have trauma from many aspects of our lives.

Starting the journey can sometimes be the hardest part - knowing that we're going to have to face rocky terrain.

But being able to be there, support these incredible individuals (with all sorts of unique qualities, interests and personalties) and watch that growth happen is something I feel incredibly lucky to experience.

Sometimes having someone with you can make all the difference. ✨️❤️

29/08/2026

Remember to reach out to the people who care ❤️

Since becoming an adult, I've found a different challenge when it comes to friends. We all have our own independent lives now and it can be hard to stay in touch, keep each other updated and even sometimes be there for one another.

I think a lot of the time I feel like I can't go to my friends when I'm feeling down because I don't want to be a bother. They're probably tired and dealing with things in their own lives... I they don't need my problems.

The other day I was feeling down - I can be hard on myself sometimes and negative comments can really get to me. My parents made me feel better, but I really just wanted a friend to have a laugh with and cheer me up.

So I thought, maybe I should ask my friend to hang and also just explain how I feel. I debated with myself, but eventually just thought I might as well try. I asked and she said of course, she would come after midday and we chatted, watched a series together and I truly did feel so much better.

I don't reach out enough to the people who care about me. It's not about getting them to solve your problems or rely on them - but it's about having someone to show they care about you and cheer you up a little when you're down, like co-regulation. That is so unbelievably important ❤️

28/08/2026

✨️ Neurodivergent Mentoring ✨️

Book your £15 Welcome session today to get to know me as a mentor and how I could support you through whatever journey you're currently on!

Maybe it's wanting to understand your neurodivergence and you want to learn reasonable adjustments to have in place to make your life suit your neurotype. 🧠

Maybe it's wanting to break down challenges with friendships or peers to understand how we could approach situations, whilst understanding and looking after our nervous systems. 👫

Maybe it's that you need someone to actually relate to who has overcome so many challenges themself as a young neurodivergent person. 🥹

By understanding why my brain reacts in certain ways and in some environments, I have built:

- confidence
- acceptance
- better relationships
- a life that suits me

Sometimes, talking to someone who actually gets it can remove some of the shame we can end up feeling from the world and society around us. Shame about how our brains and bodys work and shame about how we do things differently. Shame was always what has held me back, making me feel like an alien, and a lot of the time the people around me could make it worse. I don't think they tried to. But when you don't really feel seen, I at least, felt like a problem.

If you want to try my peer- mentoring, please visit my website in the comments below and book your Welcome Session today!!! 🔽

27/08/2026

What is inside and outside the circle of your control? Are you spending time trying to control what's outside your circle? 🟠

26/08/2026

A little advice from a neurodivergent mentor about demand avoidance ❤️

This is something I've been thinking about a lot recently. I speak to parents and young people all over the world, and one thing I hear quite often is that when a child experiences significant demand avoidance, parents are told to remove demands and expectations to reduce distress.

I completely understand where this comes from. For some children and young people, demands can genuinely trigger an intense threat response. What can look like refusal, defiance or "not wanting to do something" can actually be overwhelm, anxiety, loss of autonomy or a nervous system going into fight, flight or freeze.

But I don't personally believe that removing every expectation is always the answer, and I say that as someone who is neurodivergent and very demand avoidant myself.

I never wanted to do my homework. I didn't like showering. I never wanted to clean my room. I hated being told what to do. I struggled to go to school. I would procrastinate and avoid things all the time. I wanted to do things my way and, ideally, on my terms.

But I needed boundaries. I needed consistency. I needed encouragement. Most importantly, I needed adults who understood that something was difficult for me without deciding that I therefore wasn't capable of doing it.

School wasn't always easy for me. I refused to go a lot, but it gave me friends, experiences, social skills and opportunities to learn how the world worked. Those things genuinely shaped who I am today.

I think sometimes we can accidentally confuse reducing distress with removing every difficult thing. They're not necessarily the same.

We know that autonomy, predictability, emotional regulation and reducing unnecessary stress can be incredibly important for neurodivergent young people. But children and young people also need appropriate structure, supportive boundaries, opportunities to practise skills and gradually increasing independence.

So for me, it's not:

"You must do this because I said so."

But it also isn't:

"You never have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable."

It's:

"I understand why this is difficult for you. Let's work out what's making it difficult and find a way through it together."

Sometimes that might mean reducing the demand. Sometimes offering choices. Sometimes changing the language. Sometimes changing the education route. Sometimes it's showing rather than telling. Sometimes giving more processing time. Sometimes breaking something into tiny steps. Sometimes doing it alongside them. Sometimes finding a way to make it motivating. And sometimes it might mean holding a gentle but firm boundary and expectation.

Children are still children. They need understanding, structure, opportunities to develop independence and manageable challenges. They need adults who can believe in their capabilities even when they don't believe in themselves.

For me, understanding demand avoidance doesn't mean removing every expectation, boundary or demand. It means understanding why it's difficult and changing how we support the young person to meet it.

I don't want a young person to grow up believing:

"I can't do anything that feels difficult."

I want them to learn:

"Some things are really difficult for my brain, but I can learn ways of doing them."

That's what I needed growing up, and I know I'm not the only one.

This is my personal perspective as a neurodivergent mentor and someone with lived experience of demand avoidance. Different approaches will work for different people, and I'm not suggesting parents should ignore distress or simply increase demands. Individual needs, wellbeing, safety and reasonable adaptations should always come first.

24/08/2026

I had a meltdown this weekend and things felt different...

Serious meltdowns for me would consist of a fast heart rate, intense crying, my head straining, lots of tension and energy within my body and mostly, a lot of anger. It feels like you just want to hit and throw and scream.

Sometimes I shutdown - it's the same feeling but I just freeze and can't move or speak.

I feel so paralysed but also activated in these moments and it can feel like all the negative thoughts I have come smashing down on me. It's like I'm stuck in a dark room and there are echos of people saying the most awful things to me.

I don't want to be touched. I won't be spoken to. But this time, things were different.

Through the midst of my meltdown, I somehow let myself know that this is my body in fight or flight. This is how it feels for my nervous system to be completely activated and in overload. This isn't me being crazy. This isn't me being terrible. This is my nervous system saying I am so so overwhelmed and I don't know what's going on.

That realisation was very calming to me. It was the voice I needed to say that what I was experiencing is okay and it will go away. My partner put my projector on for me, got me some water and took my pyjamas out. He didn't interfere, but he created an environment that was soothing for my system.

But, I knew I needed to get out of the house. My nervous system needed fresh air and a feeling of freedom. I didn't want to feel trapped. So I went out and I went to the gym at midnight. I didn't work out, but it was completely quiet and I rolled a mat out and laid down.

I stretched and all the energy I had built up, released. By the time I got home, I just wanted a cuddle and my room was perfect.

The next day I knew I needed to decompress. I went to a nice national trust property (my partners mum got me a membership!) and I relaxed.

You can't always avoid meltdowns. But we can learn to approach them with gentleness and understanding. ❤️

21/08/2026

Do your little bit of good and leave a heart grateful.
I've been leaving water out for the hedgehogs and foxes every night Xx 🦔🦊

Sophie James

04/09/2026

03/09/2026

31/08/2026

30/08/2026

29/08/2026

28/08/2026

27/08/2026

26/08/2026

24/08/2026

21/08/2026

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