14/10/2026
I WAS SO BUSY TRYING NOT TO BE A “DIFFICULT SEND PARENT” THAT I DIDN’T NOTICE HOW UNWELL I WAS.
There’s one phone call I still remember.
Our SENCO had helped us. I liked her.
But we had reached the point where my child needed more than school seemed able to give, and suddenly every conversation felt harder.
I remember saying:
“We’re not fighting.”
“I don’t want to fight with you.”
“We’re okay. We’re not fighting.”
I came off the phone feeling dreadful.
Not because my child was struggling.
Because I was worried I had made her job harder.
So I bought nice hot cross buns for the school office.
I bought the SENCO a book I thought she might like.
I drove them to school while hunched over the steering wheel in pain and tried, again, to make sure everyone knew:
I appreciate you.
I’m not attacking you.
I want us to work together.
Shortly afterwards, I was having emergency surgery for ovarian torsion.
And looking back, that’s the bit that gets me.
My child wasn’t okay.
I wasn’t okay.
But I was still desperately trying to make sure everyone else felt okay about me asking for help.
And research suggests this is bigger than one parent and one school.
Recent studies of SEND families in England have found a system heavily dependent on parents being able to advocate, persist and sometimes “fight” for provision — while poor parent-professional relationships can themselves become a barrier, and the process can damage parents’ mental and physical health.
No parent should have to choose between protecting the relationship with professionals and advocating honestly for their child.
Source: Saxton et al., PLOS ONE (2025); research with SEND professionals published in 2026.
