03/06/2026
What feels like recent moments, but actually its been six months of intense struggle; for which i feel the most burnt out ive ever felt.
The build up to Christmas brought a wave of intense emotion. Then January follows, holding the memories of everything El went through with her seizures—the fear, the exhaustion, and the love that never wavered. The fight was so difficult, not being able to make things better without potentially making them ‘catastrophic’.
February carries the memory of the last time she was home for half term. Moments that felt ordinary then, but mean everything now.
March arrives… a year since my beautiful daughter passed away, a marker of time that feels both impossible and undeniable. And just six days later, what would have been her 10th birthday, a day filled with love, longing, and all the moments that should have been.
I was lucky to be able to have a form of celebration for her at her school💗
And in the midst of all of that, Mother’s Day. A day that will never be the same, carrying both the deep love of being her mam and the ache of her absence.
Then come the April holidays, and with them the memory of last year—pouring every last inch of my energy into planning her celebration of life. A time of heartbreak, love, and trying to honour her in the best way I knew how.
But April also holds the hardest memory… the last time I got to see my baby, hold her hand, and kiss her head. Knowing that in this lifetime I won’t be able to cuddle her or see her again is a pain that words can’t fully capture💔
The firsts of everything were always going to be so hard, i just dont think i realised how hard.
I feel extremely lucky i have Charlie; hes the strength i have to get through hour by hour, day by day 🩵
These posts may seem nothing to the majority of people, but there could be someone out there, reading this, feeling the exact same way💛
