http://www.tigerlilytrust.co.uk/

Tigerlily Trust, Grange (2026)

17/06/2026

It’s with huge gratitude and more than a bit of excitement that I can announce that we now have a lovely, functional, updated, shiny new website for Tigerlily Trust!
All thanks to Treble Three Design in Carnforth who ran a competition through their e-newsletter and to the people who nominated and voted for us, we won!
Paul has put a huge amount of work into it to bring it up to scratch, and we should now be able to edit it ourselves going forwards, which we were unable to do previously.
Thank you Treble3, thank you Paul and thank you whoever nominated and voted for us, we are beyond grateful 🙏💜🙏

https://www.tigerlilytrust.co.uk/home

16/06/2026

HELPING FATHER’S HEARTS TO HEAL: DAY 16 Possibility

Today I am sharing ideas that might just help in sparking your own inner knowing of what you need to do on Father’s Day to nurture yourself. Many people find developing new rituals to be helpful, others find it easier to crawl into a hole and wait for the day to pass. It really comes down to what is right for you. Take anything that speaks to your own heart and leave anything that doesn’t resonate. There is no right or wrong, this is about what will serve you best.
You might like to take some time to create or purchase a gift for yourself, from your beloved child, that you can open on Father’s Day. The act of choosing what to do; the time spent focusing on creating or gathering the most beautiful gift, is a healing process. It really doesn’t matter what it is, all that matters is that it speaks to your heart, that it feels ‘right’ for you. Keep an open mind, let whatever ‘it’ is find its way to you, you will know it when it comes.

You might like to plan a walk in nature, a beauty walk, attune your senses to nature, connect with the tranquility and greater perspective found in the natural environment.
You might like to look for a memento on your walk, a heart shaped stone might catch your eye, or a feather, a shell, or a flower. Sometimes I just look for hearts while I’m walking and find them in moss and lichen, or carved in a tree, or in a cloud. Sometimes I make a heart on the ground out of stones or leaves and leave it there for someone else to discover.
You might like to buy a special plant, a lasting, thriving, growing memorial that will flourish for many years to come.
You might like to plan to start your day with a special breakfast, or have a special meal, something that feels like a treat but doesn’t involve going to a restaurant where lots of families are celebrating. Nourish your body with healthy foods and drink plenty of water, grief takes so much energy, so be extra nourishing in your food choices.
Grief is exhausting for the body, mind and spirit. Energy is drained simply warding off the intense pain, trying to contain it or give it some boundary. We can long for a temporary reprieve, time to escape for just a little while from the enormity of our reality.
You might like to take time out to visit a special place: maybe it’s going to the cemetery or the place where your baby is buried, maybe it’s where you scattered their ashes, maybe it’s a hilltop or woodland, or place where you went while your partner was pregnant, or a place special to your child.
You may like to go alone, to have your own connecting time, or you may prefer to invite a close friend or family member to accompany you, you may feel comforted by their presence.
Communication is essential with your partner or loved ones, give each other permission to grieve differently and have different needs. Express your needs and feelings, people can’t guess at what you may need.
Sometimes a change of scenery can help to reveal the unique texture of our lives. New people and surroundings can help us to see our lives from a new perspective. Temporarily abandoning your environment and spending time in one that’s entirely different can be deeply transformative. A healing adventure somewhere completely new, a place with no previous associations, where you can have the gift of time and space to honour and be gentle with yourself.

If this is your first Father’s Day without your child, listen to what YOU feel is right for you! Don’t listen to me or anyone else who tell you what you SHOULD do. Other holidays will, without a doubt, be difficult especially so the first year, but due to the intense focus put on you as a Father, this just may be the most difficult one to endure. So, if you can, take extra special care of you.
Remember you are not alone, together we can make it through another day, all be it a rather immense and intense day. In 24 hours it will be over, you will have survived and you will be stronger.

What ever you choose to do this Father’s Day, please, nurture, honour, love and care for yourself and your beautiful heart.
Love and light, Val & Patrick x x x

15/06/2026

HELPING FATHER’S HEARTS TO HEAL: DAY 15
Fix it
“Often the Dad’s are put to the side when a baby dies. They are sometimes even forgotten about. They are expected to just take over and fix everything. Men are often pushed quickly back into the work place and are made to feel like they should not show emotion. The fact is that dads grieve too.” Carly Marie”

A Father naturally often wants to be a strong supporter of his partner during the painful months following child loss. Being conditioned growing up to ‘be strong’, not express his emotions ‘big boys don’t cry’, be the protector, to create safety and security for his family – then when tragedy strikes, when life suddenly jumps the tracks and is catapulted into the nightmare of child loss, this derailing can be particularly hard for men.

Men instinctively want to make things better, they are usually the ones to ‘fix’ things and often look at grief as a ‘fixable’ problem, they want to make ‘it’ better. But there is no making it better, child loss is something nobody can fix, not even a Father. This forces men to go through all kinds of identity changes in the aftermath of their loss.

Men are far less verbal than women by nature, and it makes it much more difficult for family members and friends to understand the changes that are taking place with a father when his loses a child. He often feels like a total failure because he was unable to prevent the death or to fix the death once it took place. This is especially true if the child’s life was lost due to an illness. Fathers are notorious for fixing things that are broken or in need of repair, and when they cannot fix their child’s illness and the end result is death, a father goes through a deep grieving period of feeling tremendous guilt and failure.
A father who loses a child also loses such a large part of his dreams. Fathers don’t always openly talk about their dreams of teaching and playing with their children, or of taking bike rides together, of tossing a ball in the garden, or going fishing, but they think about these events all of the time. Fathers of girls daydream about walking their daughter down the aisle and dancing that first dance at the wedding. They dream about taking care of all of their child’s hurts, wiping their tears away, and being called “hero” for all of the ways they show their strength to their son or daughter. Child loss, in a father’s eyes, often represents weakness. Men believe fathers are to be strong and in charge, not at a loss for knowing what to do when death turns life upside down. Child loss is such a helpless feeling, and often this is a foreign emotion for fathers who have been immersed in a life of being a tower of strength for their family.

What is a father to do? How can a father go on and feel whole once again? It takes time to work through the pain of loss. It takes a long time to build back a feeling of belonging as a father. It will often take years for a father to be able to reclaim his identity of a father. It will take lots of working through feelings of failure and loss to feel like a man who can always proudly wear the name father.

Take it a day at a time, a step at a time. Begin by telling yourself over and over that you will always be a father. Nothing can change that – not even death. Remind yourself often that some things cannot be fixed by you. Remember often that lost dreams are part of the pain every parent feels when a child dies. It takes a lot of tears and years to work past the milestone markers of such things as dreams of your child playing ball, driving a car, dating, getting married, and having children. These are not easy dreams to release, but with time you will be able to more vividly remember the times you had with your child than to sorrow over the time you never had. Be patient with yourself! Be kind to yourself! And, when you fall into the emotional pain of feeling like a failure, remind yourself that you will always be a father and nothing can take away that badge of honor, not even death!

Lastly, remind yourself that you will make it! There will be a day when you can say with confidence, “I am a father – always and forever, and I am so thankful for that!”

14/06/2026

HELPING FATHER’S HEARTS TO HEAL: DAY 14
Surviving Loss as a Couple
As a couple you are each responsible for your own grieving process, and, for navigating your loss and grief journey together as you travel.
There are some startling statistics out there – 70% of relationships will experience great difficulty after child loss, often ending in separation or divorce. According to Dr. Katherine Gold, an assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology, and author of a large study in 2010, couples experiencing a miscarriage are 22% more likely to separate than those that have not. Couples experiencing stillbirth are 40% more likely to separate.
Most couples broke up within one-and-a-half to three years after losing a baby, however, the increased risk of divorce or separation could still be seen up to a decade after the event, especially in couples who experienced stillbirth.

I was scared enough by these statistics to take the potential threat to my relationship seriously and find positive ways to hopefully improve our odds!
When I saw the emotional chaos of our grief taking its toll on our relationship I knew I had to seek help. We saw a grief counselor who witnessed our struggles and guided us towards being able to work through our turmoil together. I embraced this heart work and soon began to see that it could lead us to emerging stronger as a couple from this bewildering journey through the darkness of grief.
I often share with bereaved parents about the gifts Lily has given us – this journey and learning is one of them. Her brief life has lead us to a deeper understanding of each other, a greater ability to communicate with each other, a more compassionate and respectful understanding for our separate unique styles of coping with our grief, and made us stronger as a couple.

Every bereaved parent has a unique grief timeline as well as a unique grief strategy – understanding and acceptance as a couple is the key. Understanding = knowing that there are differences and what they are. Acceptance = allowing those differences and not wanting to change them.
Conflict in our relationship began when we judged some of each other’s behavior as unreasonable, unacceptable and not okay! Only when the extra layer of pain we were creating hurt us enough did we realize we needed to stop judging each other’s different grieving styles and start embracing and allowing them.

The following list is by no means exhaustive or complete; they are simply things that have helped us through the tremendously painful and difficult times since Lily died. Please use anything that resonates with your own hearts, apply it, and leave anything that doesn’t ‘fit’ for you.
• Take responsibility for your own emotions and expect your partner to be responsible for his/hers
• Be aware of your own emotional needs and address them; don’t be afraid to seek professional help if needed.
• Be supportive of your partner
• Trust your partner’s way of coping to be the best they are able to do and be in every moment
• Communicate with each other, choose times when you are both open to really ‘hearing’ each other, be fully present and really listen
• Assist your partner in knowing when and how they can support you
• State your feelings, wishes and needs openly without necessarily expecting your partner to be able to fulfill them
• Ask how and when you can support your partner
• Give each other time, have plenty of patience, and let go of the need to understand everything.
• Ask clarifying questions as opposed to making assumptions
• Join a support group together
• Talk about your child, when you both feel able to
• Don’t compare your grief or judge each other. Non-judgmental observation and acceptance is the key – what if his/her way is exactly the right way for him/her in this moment?
• Explore how each of you has been changed by your loss, share your insights with each other.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, there is only your way, and that is different for everyone. However it is true that some people respond to grief in ways that have negative consequences for themselves or those around them. It is my hope that the suggestions above may support you in finding the most appropriate and suitable ways of navigating your grief in a healthy and positive way for you as individuals as well as a couple.
Most of all be gentle with each other, be kind and be forgiving – then you can rise stronger out of the ashes of your broken hearts.
Love and light, Val x x x

13/06/2026

HELPING FATHER’S HEARTS TO HEAL: DAY 13
Acts of Love
Maybe because men tend to cry less than women, or because they tend to prefer to grieve privately, they often, in my observations, seem to find comfort through physical activity, performing acts of love as a means of processing their grief.
He may find a special project to complete, the time and attention spent planning and executing it being his way of working through the grief that is lingering heavily in his heart.
His hard work being his way of moving forwards in his own personal walk with grief. Each and every hour spent on this special project is an hour spent acknowledging and working through his grief and moving towards a point of healing.
By finding an activity he can immerse himself in he is not only honouring his child, but his own journey as a bereaved Father.
There are so many ways he can perform these acts of love, in fact it can actually be anything at all, because what’s sacred here is his intention whilst he performs these acts of love.
Some of these acts of great love have looked like planning and creating a special flower garden, making a memory trunk for his child, making a special shelf or display area for precious photographs and mementoes, building a memorial bench, or writing or journaling. But it can also look like cleaning out the garage, or decorating a room, or cleaning the car – everyday activities done with specific purpose and love. Sean Hanish, creator of the film Return to Zero built a small boat and let it sail out to sea, Nathan Oldfield made a surfboard, Patrick made Lily’s Wood. I often think making a special kite would be a really lovely project, as not only the time spent designing and making it would be deeply sacred but also every time it was flown could be time spent thinking about and consciously honouring your child.
Almost any physical action can be a vehicle to move forwards in the process of grief and healing. Fathers need time and space to readjust their thinking, to find ways to express their love and grief that are acts of great love and devout parenting.
Please feel free to share anything that has helped you along your journey in the comments below.

12/06/2026

Hi everyone, I’m sharing to ask for support for this GoFundMe. Whether you donate or share, every bit of help makes a difference.

Link to fundraiser in bio.

https://gofund.me/7a31a8edc

Carley shares her precious daughter Maeva’s courageous journey, and how she is keeping her memory alive by doing good things in the world, like this fundraiser, to help support other parents navigating this heartbreaking path. I needed a tissue, you might too 😢

12/06/2026

HELPING FATHER’S HEARTS TO HEAL: DAY 12

Father’s Day is Coming
Say what you need
“After losing a baby, Father’s Day can be one of those days that you face with mixed emotions. No matter what your circumstances are or how many living children you might have, it often is a day to stop and wonder what might have been.
For those of you with recent losses, I can tell you that I believe this days does get easier over time. Not because you forget, but because you heal. Healing is obviously the ultimate goal for all of us, because anything short of that robs us of our ability to truly enjoy life and I don’t think any of our children would want that for us. The thing to keep in mind, however, is that in order to heal, you must first allow yourselves to hurt. Too many times, men think that by stuffing their pain as deep in the recesses of their mind as they can, they will be able to “skip” the grief and the hurt. I’m here to tell you that it won’t work. You may be able to kid yourself for months — or even years — but it will almost certainly come back to bite you at some point.
So, keep a couple things in mind.
First of all — whether you have other living children or not — you are a dad. Try not to ever deny yourself that honour.
Secondly, consider letting the people around you know what would make this Father’s Day special for you. They can’t read your mind and you likely are not necessarily coming off on the outside the same way you are feeling on the inside. Some of us have a real gift for that little quality!
Finally, please accept my congratulations on being a dad, and best wishes for making this Father’s Day meaningful to you. Not only do you deserve it, but your children do as well.” Tim Nelson

11/06/2026

HELPING FATHER’S HEARTS TO HEAL: DAY 11

Writing and journaling, putting pen to paper in whatever form, or purpose, whether it be to tell your baby or child’s story, or record your own journey, expressing your thoughts and feelings can be such a therapeutic process.
It’s one often more associated with women perhaps, but can be even more valuable for men who often don’t express their thoughts and feelings verbally. The act of writing helps to sort through the tangled web of grief, sheds light on thoughts and feelings, and illuminates the dark places. It can be a very creative way to chart ones healing journey and show how far you’ve travelled through your grief when looking back.
Writing without censoring, letting your every thought and feeling pour out onto the page before you can lead to discovering new depths and nuances to your grieving that, left unnoticed, can become stagnant and fester.
Most things, expressed in a healthy way are much much better let out than kept in.
I have been looking for poems relating to Father’s loss, thought I’d share some with you here.
Please feel free to share any poems you have found relating to Father’s Grief in the comments below.

A Baby and His Daddy – by Robyna
It’s very early morning,
The clock is nearing one,
And the tears are finally falling,
For himself and for his son.
The girl beside him sleeps,
He doesn’t want to wake her,
For when the morning breaks,
The grief may overtake her.
In these still and silent hours,
He can let himself feel,
He can let himself be broken,
He can start to heal.
For those still and silent hours,
Before the sun lights up the sky,
Belong to a baby and his daddy,
The time that he can finally cry.

10/06/2026

HELPING FATHER’S HEARTS TO HEAL: DAY 10

For Friends and Family
As Father’s Day approaches you may be thinking of how you can best show your support for your friend, family member, loved one or co-worker on this significant day.
You may be wondering about whether to get him something to acknowledge his loss.
I want to stress that everyone is different in how they react to their grief, so what I am sharing are suggestions for you to consider, they are offerings from my own heart, just take what resonates or ‘feels right’ for you and the type of relationship you have with a bereaved Father.
One of the things I hear repeatedly from fathers are stories about significant dates coming around, and having everyone act like nothing happened. Not only does no one ask how they are doing, some people avoid them because of their discomfort with the situation, rooms go quiet when they walk in, people just don’t know how to be around grieving parents, but especially grieving Dads.
Saying nothing at all only adds to be pain of loss, any acknowledgement, however small, will be appreciated and remembered. Yes, you will remind him that he has an Angel, but you will also remind him that his child did exist and you recognise his loss and his pain, and that you care.
I personally think the difficult question is what you might get him to acknowledge that you are thinking about him.
Depending on a lot of different factors, including what your relationship is normally like with him, I would definitely say a card would be appropriate – I would say in the card that you were not sure what you should do to acknowledge his loss, but that you are thinking of him and just really wanted to do something...
Honest expressions of feelings are what most of us want at these significant times.
Please avoid cards that say ‘Happy Father’s Day’ instead choose a blank card so you can write your own message – ‘wishing you a peaceful Father’s Day’, ‘thinking of you this Father’s Day’

Also, most Mums and Dads I know wish that people would use the baby's name when speaking to them about their loss, since one of the biggest fears as a parent is that everyone will forget your child ever existed or that they were not "real" to others—we want to know they mattered not only to us but to you too. So a personalized inexpensive gift with the baby's name would be very nice, in my opinion.
Father’s might not want a lot of special treatment on Father’s Day, but this day without a child can be just as emotionally heartbreaking for a father as Mother’s Day is for a mother without her child. We need to be sensitive to the needs of fathers, too!
So show support on Father’s Day to a father who has experienced the deep pain of losing a child? Acknowledge the fact that the father is still a father even though his child is no longer living on this earth. Refer to him as a father, and express your genuine sorrow for his loss. Fathers who have lost a child as early as miscarriage should certainly be included among the group of grieving fathers. Often, fathers of miscarried babies are never given any recognition of being a father.
Give him the gift of recognition that he is missing one of those who made him a Father, that he is still a father; a gift in memory of his child; or simply a hug, an arm around the shoulder, or a compassionate word will assure him that although he does not grieve outwardly much, those who truly care about him have not forgotten.
Whatever you choose to do on Father’s day remember that a bereaved Father is not just a bereaved Father on that day, he is so forever. So spare a thought for him on other days too. Xx

Tigerlily Trust

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