14/08/2026
Life as a Widow as we know becomes difficult in so many ones. You reach hurdle after hurdle and so many of us don't get past some of them. I'm going to share my recent one.
Eating and drinking out alone 😔
When we loose our life long partners life changes drastically. You can't just think oh we will go out for our normal Friday night meal or we don't fancy cooking let's nip to our favourite restaurant.
Instead fear and anxiety hits. The thoughts creep in & take over.
I can't go out on my own, I'm nervous.
I will look stupid sitting eating a meal.
I can't go to the toilet & leave my table.
What if people ask why I'm on my own.
Don't order a drink that's weird drinking on your own.
What will I do to fill my time in between ordering, how many times will I nip or pick at my fingers, twiddle my jewellery or stare at my phone.
Will I lie if the waiter/waitress asks if I'm meeting up with anyone later, will they think I have no friends?
Will I pretend my husband's at home?
Just some of my thoughts and hurdles, if I explained all my thoughts maybe the men from the local asylum will take me away in straight jackets. Oh no stop ✋️ my mind has run away with itself again, that was my great grandfather that was put in a straight jacket and taken to the asylum.
It's a huge step to take deciding to go out on your own, there is so much to consider from safety aspects to wrestling with your inner demon thoughts. Of course you can eat out with friends and family however not everyone is available when you are, people have work and family commitments and life's are busy. The realisation can be difficult that this is your new life now, everything you do will mostly be on your own.
Recently I decided to venture into the town of Ayr on my own, 2yrs after becoming a widow, I put on my big girl pants and decided to order a meal and 1 glass of wine. I went to one restaurant a few weeks ago and had an okay experience but I want to share the experience I had the other day. I had just returned from a funeral, late afternoon and fancied some dinner before I went home to my empty shell. I decided on Tempura. Alan and I had been several times over the years before he passed but we mostly used the takeaway.
Pulling open the little door the stupid brain takes over, its going to be super busy, every table will be filled with couples and you'll need to ask if they have a table for 1 to be told sorry and then you'll need to turn on your heels and leave feeling stupid. Instead I got lucky I opened the door to find it very quiet with just 1 family and a friendly chap appeared behind the bar. My heart was hammering and I'd already eaten 5 rescue remedy pastilles maybe I won't have space for food and maybe I should just.... stop ✋️ I told my brain to shut fluffing up, today is not the day. And the chap said take a seat wherever you'd like. So I chose the seat closet to the toilet because straight across from it was a nice shelving unit with animals from Africa and if nothing else I could just stare at it, the elephants and the giraffes come marching two by two, hurrah hurrah (my brain was taking me to the noahs ark song) The young chap called Fraser came over and gave me the menu's. I sort of made him believe that I had just finished work, I just hadn't corrected him but when he came back to give me my glass of wine and we had another blether I was truthful and said I had returned from a funeral and so we had another nice wee blether. I thought he was maybe ages with my son, I imagine his mammy would be proud of him.
Anyway I filled in my time by staring at the shelf and stopping myself singing about the animals going into the ark. I also read the Herald online, its the only newspaper I buy. I then was looking at the ceiling remembering my time when I worked there as a teenager when it was Burrowfields and the ceiling was mustard yellow from smoke, I wondered if it was still lurking behind the corrugated ceiling. Myself and my sister in law who also worked there would finish our shifts at 12.30am stinking of smoke then head to Club de Mar and roll home at 2am and I was up at 7am with my toddler son. My brain started to become proud of that achievement of being a teenage mum, working and clubbing 😂 and then I also thought I know who would be proud of me right now and that would be my husband Alan, he was my biggest supporter and whenever I thought I couldn't do something he would always say self belief over self pity 🩵
Things that made me feel comfortable in Tempura was the fact it's a smaller venue, staff are on hand if you need them and can grab their attention quickly. You can leave your drink safely on the table while you go to the toilet, there's no long awkward walk to get there. Staff are always friendly and chatty. I imagine the staff are trained very well in here as over the years I've never had a bad experience.
If any widow has been thinking about going out on their own please know that you can do it, it's not easy and can be overwhelming just thinking about it. My mind made it so much worse that what I actually experienced.
If you are a woman in Ayrshire who has lost a lifelong partner please see my private group link in the comments. So far we have had 2 coffee morning's, we are having a picnic this Sunday and we have our first social evening arranged.
Tracey x
