06/14/2026
I knew from a young age that something about me was different. I grew up in a very hetero-normative pulp and paper mill town on Vancouver Island. It had, at that time, a population of less than 1000.
I wanted what all kids wanted. I wanted to fit in and be accepted as one of the bunch. I hoped that if I just ignored my problems that they'd go away.
As I got older though, the difference between me and others felt more apparent. School was rigid in terms of what was 'normal'. S*x education taught us the basics of man meets woman, but our peers really were who taught us about life. Boys started dating girls and events like school dances really seemed to foster these relationships. I'd get asked in my teenage years if I had a girlfriend and would be paralyzed to provide a response. I felt like I was swimming upstream.
My child brain had convinced myself that I wasn't gay. I probably didn't even realize what 'gay' was in my naive world view. I did, though, what many people do when they suspect an ailment.. I made it 10x worse in my head than the reality. I felt as though whatever secret I held was truly dark and evil. I knew deep down I was likely a monster.
I went through school like this. I lost confidence in making male friends and after puberty only really felt comfortable making female friends. When, often as it went, it turned out these girls had a crush on me and I'd get asked out, I felt fear and shame as I was confronted again with my dark secret.
Shaking the feeling that you are not an authentic version of yourself has stuck with me throughout my life, and my natural reaction has been to feel that every friend or acquaintance I make is based on a disingenuous version of myself. If someone liked me, they must like that version of me. If they knew the 'real' me, they'd be disgusted.
It's been hard in recent years to avoid the PTSD of those early years. I see so much hate and disgust towards the LGBTQ community that I just can't help but feeling like that kid in high school that knows he's worth less than the rest. Being gay is second class. I can only imagine how tough it would be to be trans.
I can say confidently that being gay for me was never a choice. I also can say confidently that if there had been some support in school to help me navigate through this, I'd have been better off. I see many comments saying people like me should exist in silence. Schools should not recognize us. Pride flags should not be hung. Parades should not happen and we should just be treated like everyone else.
The problem is, we are NOT treated like everyone else. Many of us live secret lives, in fear of being ostracized from our communities. We are illegal in over 60 countries around the world. We are the butt-end of jokes. We are either too masculine as females or too feminine as males. We are wrong.
But we are not wrong. We are different. The thing is, though, that we are ALL different regardless of sexuality or gender identity. The compass of morality should not be guided by these attributes, but on how we treat others.
I'm a firm believer that even if you don't understand someone, you should let them lead their lives true to form. I don't understand many paths people take, but acknowledge it's not my life. Express yourself honestly as long as it doesn't create victims. "Do to others as you would have them do to you."
I hope in my lifetime that we as people celebrate our differences as much as people seem to celebrate my restoration work in the same light. Be unique and be colourful. Don't let people (or yourself as was the case for me) silence you from being authentic.
Working with seniors as a CCA has taught me a couple of valuable lessons: life is really very short and when our time comes to leave this earth we focus our time on those we love and with those who love us. Surround yourself with allies.
If you are someone who just doesn't understand things, I urge you to go to a large pride parade this summer. Pictures focus on the extremes, the wild looks. This is a fun part of it, I think, in any parade. What hits me harder than anything though is how the vast majority of people there are just average folks. It made me feel so much less alone not to see others who identify as LGBTQ, but instead those who don't and instead made a choice to be an ally and stand with us.
