Community of Support Fergus/Elora

Community of Support Fergus/Elora A community support system as you navigate grief and trauma.

I'm missing my old Instagram account lately. I deleted it after my spouse took their life. On it were a whole bunch of ...
06/04/2026

I'm missing my old Instagram account lately. I deleted it after my spouse took their life. On it were a whole bunch of photos of the kids and our little family adventures. At the time it was a decision made out if grief. 5 years later and I find myself saying, " If my spouse hadn't of committed su***de, I wouldn't have done such and such. "
Them choosing to end their life hits differently in many ways. I think back to when it happened and my head and emotions were messed up for a while. I couldn't get my feet on the ground. They were my rock. My teather to keep me from floating away. Without them I felt like I could float away at times.
Probably a feeling that is common with all kinds of loses. Doesn't matter how it happens.
My old Instagram is gone forever and I learned in more ways than 1, not to make harsh decisions when grieving. They say to give yourself a year. Whoever 'they' are, are probably right.

06/03/2026

Coffee is happening tonight at 7pm Starbucks in Fergus. Hope to see you there

This branch broke last winter during some freezing rain. Fast-forward to spring and there is new growth coming from the ...
05/31/2026

This branch broke last winter during some freezing rain. Fast-forward to spring and there is new growth coming from the broken branch.
Nature reminding me that sometimes things happen that are inevitable and you are required to heal yourself either physically or emotionally, or sometimes both. However no matter how different or altered you look and feel, there is something beautiful blooming from being broken. Just keep moving forward and working on yourself.
A reminder to hang in there. No matter how bad things are now, new growth is happening, even if you can't see it yet.

05/27/2026

Stroke fatigue rearing it's ugly head this evening. I will not be able to make it to coffee tonight.

05/06/2026

Due to personal reasons I will not be going for coffee this week or next.

I was going through old pictures yesterday looking for something particular, then I started to really look at the photo...
05/05/2026

I was going through old pictures yesterday looking for something particular, then I started to really look at the photos.
I quickly was hit with the realization that I've already lived a lifetime. The last 20 years sitting there before my eyes. Also, I noticed how happy my oldest daughter was as a kid.
When she had a 'dad' in her life. Her biological father left and moved out west when she was 4 months old, even before that he denied she was his. Then it was just the two of us until she was 3. Then I met my future husband. Even those pictures of just us in the early days made me cry. We were so happy. We didn't have much, but we made the best of it. I havea special connection with her because it was just the two of us for 3 years. Then I cried because my late spouse had adopted her and cared for her like she was his own. The whole family accepted her and still do. For a short time she had a dad. She was happy. They would go on daddy daughter dates to the movies, even took her to get her ears pierced when she was 8. Yes I was in full agreeence to this. The my spouse started transitioning and theor mental health started to go downhill, as well as my mental health as I didn't know how to cope with everything going on. I was looking at those pictures and I see how we both have failed her. We were both distracted with my spouse transitioning and trying to survive ourselves. I cried for her yesterday and for my regret. I suppose parenthood comes with a certain level of regret. Does anyone raise a child with absolutely no regret?
I hope one day we can work things out. Until that day I will respect her wishes and go about my own life. All the while hoping that she's okay and happy.

Accepting your new reality after something happens.It's been 1 year and 4 months after the stroke and I've decided that ...
04/19/2026

Accepting your new reality after something happens.

It's been 1 year and 4 months after the stroke and I've decided that no matter how much I want to be 100% back to myself, it's not going to happen. Since I woke up in the hospital I have been bound and determined to get back to 100% me. It's taken 1 year and 4 months for what happened to sink in. I'm coming to accept that I need to change some things in my life. Im not ever going to be 100% so I need to let go of that wish and grief it.
The rest of this year is dedicated to changing some things in my life to make life easier for me. I've been trying to tend to the house and was going to garden again this year as well as yard work. I've been looking at my gardens with dread this year. I don't have the energy anymore. A sad reality, but my body has changed. End of story.
This is a reality a lot of people are faced with at some point in their lives with different situations. This is not the first time I have had to start over or face a totally different lifestyle terdrectory.

The problem with feminism is that there is a whole bunch of women who hate men and this is the problem. Feminism isn't ...
04/13/2026

The problem with feminism is that there is a whole bunch of women who hate men and this is the problem. Feminism isn't about hating men, it was originally about equal rights. Women being able to vote, women being doctors, single women holding a mortgage solely in their name, and we have accomplished that. Everything is what women need or what women want. We have our equal rights in most ways. We don't see men crying out their feelings and thoughts. Females grow up knowing even encouraged to voice their feelings, but men grow up being taught to push everything down. Just keep your wife happy while their happiness gets ignored.
15 years ago when I lost a baby my husband ignored his own needs and made sure my daughter and I were okay. I even said that he needed to help himself and acknowledge his feelings. Fast-forward and he was transitioning to female while still holding on to this upbringing of holding everything in, making sure everyone else was okay. There were time I bet they wanted to scream in frustration and cry of feeling overwhelmed and unwelcome by society. But still they held everything in until one day it was to much and they took their life.
The su***de rated amoung Transgender people is high and while Men are more likely to commit su***de over women. Women have their rights, how about we start encouraging young boys to show their emotions instead of bottling it up inside.
***de

Since losing the ability to do a lot of things and seeing how I have changed mentally,emotionally and physically, Im gr...
04/02/2026

Since losing the ability to do a lot of things and seeing how I have changed mentally,emotionally and physically, Im grieving the person I was in some ways.
As a society most of us compare ourselves to others on Social media. Looks, wealth, family, job, etc ....
I have learned to love and appreciate myself. I don't fit the typical beauty standard, I usually say my thoughts out loud ( which people don't like turns out) and a bunch of other stuff.
The qualities that I love about myself are things as a society we don't cheer for. Society has this image of what a woman looks like and that's it. Fit the mold or there must be something wrong with you, and don't even think about having a brain or independence.
I don't fit that mold. Never have and never will and Im okay with that. I spent most of my life (especially my younger years) trying to fit in. To be 'normal'. I can finally say, 'F**k it. F**k 'normal'.
No the qualities Iove about myself are not cheered for in society, but I love that I am the way I am. I have come so far with my personal growth I kind of feel like I just retired from a war. I survived and I brought some wisdom with me, now leave me alone lol.
Learn to love yourself and forget about societal standards. Once you lose things about yourself you can never get it back. Our uniqueness make us beautiful. Embrace who you are. If others don't like it F**k them. There is really only one you.

After everything I've been through my biggest regret is not loving and appreciating who/how I was. These changes are few but it's enough for me to grieve for myself.

Nobody talks about the grief you feel when your marriage ends whether it be by death or divorce and you loose not only a...
04/01/2026

Nobody talks about the grief you feel when your marriage ends whether it be by death or divorce and you loose not only a spouse but a whole family, that you married into.

I always knew I was different from the family I married into, but I was young and excited to gain siblings even if it was through marriage. Iam an only child so that was really exiting.
Im from a small town, born and raised. They are a farming community. A lot of the ladies went to church and baked pies. Our lives were farming, that's what conversation was always about around the dinner table at a Holiday suppers. My late spouse was a crop farmer, they live eat breathe sleep farming.
At the time I felt I had gained a family that was closer and nicer than my own. Now I see that I was wrong. I was tolerated because my late spouse loved me.
After my spouse died it was to painful to go to the family farm. They were that farm. Everything reminded me of them. So I stopped going. I also found myself in an abusive relationship. My in-laws stopped talking to me. I got the sense that I was never part of their clique and never was going to be. I mean don't get me wrong, I tried to be a typical farmers wife, I even learned canning, but at the end of the day Iam me. A small town girl who knows the feeling of walking down the street and knowing everyone in town.
Because I married in my late 20's and lost my spouse in my late 30's, I grew and learned a lot during that time. No matter how much I feel judged by some, I remind myself that I didn't have a 'normal' marriage. Lost a babie than had my spouse start to transition when I was 3 months pregnant with our next baby, all well trying to raise my 8 year old from a different relationship. Life was hard but I see know that walking away from a family that was never really mine is actually a blessing. Im now 42 and I finally know who I am without certainty. And most importantly I love myself with 💯 certainty. I wish that family all the best on their grief journey and in their lives but I will take the good memories I had with my late spouse and heal the bad, while I move on to things that suit me. Things that feed my soul, not judge it.

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Fergus, ON

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