08/30/2026
Sunday Reflections | The Stories We Tell About Ourselves
At some point, each of us creates a story about who we are. Some of these stories are formed very early in life, often without us even realizing it. They are shaped by the experiences we have had, the words we have heard, the beliefs we adopted in order to feel safe, and the roles we learned to play in our families and in the world.
Maybe the story you carry is that you are the strong one, the responsible one, the caregiver, the peacemaker, the overthinker, the one who is never enough, or the one who can't seem to get anything right. Maybe your story is that you aren't creative, aren't good with money, aren't lovable, or simply aren't meant to have the life you really want.
There is a reason these stories exist. Many of them began as ways of understanding our experiences, surviving difficult circumstances, finding belonging, or protecting ourselves. The problem comes when a story we created about ourselves becomes an identity. Once that happens, we can begin living inside the story rather than questioning whether it is still true.
We unconsciously filter new experiences through it. If I believe I am unlovable, I notice rejection more than affection. If I believe I always have to be the strong one, I may struggle to receive help when it is offered. If I believe I am destined to fail, I may never take the risks that could prove otherwise. We notice the evidence that supports our story and often overlook the evidence that challenges it.
Eventually, we can become very good at proving ourselves right.
I think part of spiritual growth is becoming curious about these stories. Not judging them or being angry with ourselves for carrying them, but simply asking where they came from. Is this actually who I am? Or is this who I learned I needed to be?
There can be an enormous difference between the two.
Maybe you became fiercely independent because there was a time when you couldn't depend on anyone else. Maybe you became the caretaker because being useful made you feel valuable. Maybe you learned to stay quiet because speaking up once came with consequences. Maybe you learned to expect disappointment because expecting something better felt too dangerous.
Those responses may once have served us. We can honour that without allowing them to define the rest of our lives.
One of the most powerful things about being human is our capacity to change. We are allowed to outgrow versions of ourselves that once kept us safe. We are allowed to question beliefs we've carried for decades. We are allowed to discover that something we have been saying about ourselves for years simply isn't true anymore and perhaps never was.
That doesn't mean replacing one false story with another or pretending our past didn't happen. It means allowing our understanding of ourselves to become larger than what happened to us.
So perhaps this week, pay attention to the language you use when you describe yourself, particularly the sentences that begin with I am, I always, or I never.
I'm terrible at this. I always choose the wrong people. I'm too old. I'm too much. I'm not brave enough. I could never do that. This is just who I am.
And then become curious.
Is it true?
Or have you simply told yourself the story so many times that it feels like truth?
We don't get to rewrite everything that has happened to us. But we can decide how much authority our past gets to have over who we become next.
Maybe the story of who you are isn't finished.
Maybe you are still writing it. 🌿
May you be blessed,
Rev. Kim Etherington
