08/09/2026
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Generational Alienation: Two alienated daughters lose 40 years with their fathers and identify how to break the pattern.
In her own words:
"We were never meant to be enemies. That is simply how alienation works. One of us was a young mother. The other was the grandmother of her little boy.
We lived in different countries and came from different families. Before we had any real chance to know each other, we were placed on opposite sides of a story neither of us had written. Her son, my partner, started to repeat the alienation he had learned from his alienating grandmother. Thus, two alienated daughters were agin exposed to alienation through their partner/son.
This time the pattern was not invisible. One of us had already lived it as a child. She had also spent years studying how alienation, estrangement and enmeshment take hold. So when the same dynamics began reaching for the next child, they were recognised, named and stopped before they could close around him.
Between us we lost nearly forty years with our fathers. One of us grew up in the long silence of parental estrangement. The other grew up through parental alienation and abduction. In both families the mothers controlled the narrative. They used fear. They used enmeshment. They turned good men into monsters in the eyes of their own children. When we tried to become autonomous adults and mothers ourselves, the same stories followed us.
We were implied to be unstable, difficult, or mentally unwell. Those labels kept us compliant. They made us doubt our own judgement. They made us afraid to trust the very people who had always been safe. The bitterest part is this: our fathers were blamed, erased, removed from our lives.
In one family the language of domestic violence was used to secure housing, benefits and control, while the woman who caused the harm kept the children close. The men who loved us paid the price. We lost birthdays, ordinary evenings, the sound of a father’s voice saying our names without fear or apology. We lost the chance to be known by them as we grew. That absence does not fade. It sits in the body. It changes how a daughter learns to trust, how a mother learns to protect, how a grandmother learns to hope.
When the same pattern reached for the little boy, we refused it. We chose each other instead of the script we had been given. We chose safety over loyalty to a lie. We chose the right of a child to have loving, emotionally available people around him.
We cannot give ourselves back the years that were taken. But we can stop the inheritance. We can stand together now, two women who were once set against each other, and say that this child will not grow up in the same silence we did. That is the work. Not revenge. Not winning. Just the quiet, determined act of keeping one more father from being erased, and one more child from learning that love has to be chosen against."
