The Foster Care Project

20/04/2022

GIRLS BIKE / HAIR CARE.

Hi friends. ❤️

Tonight we are asking for a bicycle for a 12 year old girl, as well as some hair care products for the same young lady.

Her hair is thick, curly and dry.

Open to ideas, can anyone help?

I'd love for this young lady to have a treatment and trim at a hairdresser?.

Amy xx

05/04/2022

Sometimes foster care is really hard.

I am a huge advocate...but I work within the confines of a system that can make decisions that differ to my preferred outcome.

During these times I can't post or consider things to say or even reflect on the good that I might be doing.

I just wonder if it's worth it.

But. I'm still here. I still get to kiss all my beautiful children goodnight and for now, I take it slow.

Ps. We have the best backpack news to share! In the coming days I'll let you all know how we went....

PPS. You are all awesome for helping this project.

16/01/2022

Backpacks!

We are looking for 100 donated backpacks! - have you bought your kids a new one and not sure what to do with their used one?We can make use of it!

We are looking for 100 backpacks to fill with clothes and necessary items for babies and children entering care.

Please message us if you are local and need your backpacks picked up or for postage details.

Amy 🙏❤

EDIT:
We are in Darwin!

For gift cards:
Postal address is
The Foster Care Project
PO Box 41339
Casuarina, NT,
0810.
🙏💕

For Click and Collect, please message the page for details. Many thanks x

12/01/2022

I was at a swimming pool the other day.

I have six children, and I know when in public we generate a few looks and often some kind-hearted comments. I love showing off my brood.

Anyway, someone came up to me that day and said 'What's the go with your Chico babies?!'.

Before I go on, I'll say this - anyone who knows me well knows I'm the worlds best giver of death stares. This situation automatically called for one.

Now don't get me wrong. I've never been one to say I don't see colour. I SEE COLOUR.

I love the differing colours of my children's skin.

I acknowledge and respect their lived experiences, and the experiences of their ancestors.

I see the systems that continue to oppress them and their families and I work hard at breaking them down.

And I see the individuals who are part of our society who will make their lives difficult - probably not intentionally - through lack of awareness.

I don't know what my message is here. I'm sad for my foster children today.

💔

06/01/2022

This is the third time a doll has been sent to me for different children in my care.

How beautiful is she 😍

The doll maker has chosen names for our dolls depending on where the child is from / their speech ability and other considerations.

Just amazing. Please meet "Bindi".

Thank you Bean n Me, Bindi is just perfect 🙏

❤

04/01/2022

"I know that, give it a year - or maybe a bit less, she will stop asking.
Stop asking for the girl she knew as her sister.

She'll stop pleading to invite her to her birthday party.
She'll stop wondering out loud about how her day was at school, about whether she still uses her doll house,
about whether she has learnt how to swim now.

She'll stop, but it's not because she will forget.
She'll never forget her now.
She was with us far too long
for the memories to disappear.

She'll stop asking because she knows
That she had to say good bye
That she always
Has to say goodbye"

Amy Banson
(taken from an article I am writing about Saying Goodbye)

15/12/2021

(3/8) Supporting biological children with foster siblings

3. They told me something, but it's a secret
You might come across a situation where a foster child has confided in your biological child. Sometimes foster children have lost trust in adults and feel more comfortable telling someone their own age. This could be something simple and harmless, or it could be a serious disclosure that needs to be officially reported. Have conversations around secrets regularly and calmly, use a 'traffic light' method of explaining what secrets can be kept and what secrets need to be shared.
Offer different options for sharing - remind biological children of the different adults in their lives they can talk to, and that if they don't want to talk right away, that they can write or draw the secret as an way of letting you know there is something they need to talk about when they are ready. Have a 'secrets' box at home for these letters and drawings to go in to, accessible to biological children and foster children. Remind biological children of the outcomes of telling - that it's not their role to decide what happens next, but it is their role to let someone else know. Thank them for the important decision they made about keeping their foster siblings safe by telling a trusted adult what has been confided in them.

14/12/2021

Christmas with foster children - 10 easy points to remember, with conversation tips

This time of year can be super tricky for our foster children - things that are New can be Scary - this includes special events where there can be certain expectations placed on children, even if this is subconscious and not our intention.

I can't stress this enough - lots of forewarning will be your saving grace! Let your foster children know what to expect every step of the way.

1. Food. The festive season brings with it new and exciting foods, from gingerbread houses to that weird sultana pudding cake thing and lollies galore. - have 'safe foods' on hand that you know they will eat and bring them with you to Christmas lunch.
Conversation tip: "We're going to drive as a family to Uncle Sebastian's house on Christmas Day. There will be lots of food there as we will all be sharing lunch together - you are welcome to try anything you'd like, and I'm also going to bring a container of pasta and cheese we can heat up in case you decide you'd rather eat that. No pressure"

2. Expectations - Remember that the child is in crisis! Don't expect them to be happy or grateful or to want to be a part of the happenings. Let them go back to their room when they feel like some quiet time.
Conversation tip "On Christmas morning, we usually sit around the Christmas tree as a family and open our gifts. You are welcome to be a part of that, or if you would prefer to open your gifts in your bedroom, or later in the day, that is ok too. It's your choice"

3. Santa / presents - Children who have entered care that year might wonder if Santa will know where they are, given they are no longer at home with Mum and Dad. Take your time to explain that Santa knows where they are and that Christmas will still go ahead. Don't assume they know this! Be sure to let them know all their gifts are theirs to keep and take them home with them when they are reunified.
Conversation tip: "I wanted to let you know that Santa knows where to find you, here with our family, and that I'm really looking forward to having you with us while we celebrate Christmas this year". Also please remember that children in foster care deserve gifts of the same quantity and value as biological children. I have done many late night Christmas eve shopping trips for new additions to our family at this time - if you are not at capacity always try and keep spare presents on hand just in case!

4. Be aware of Traditions - If you can contact Mum, ask for details around what Christmas usually looks like for the child. Offer to incorporate some of the traditions that are important to your child's family into your Christmas celebrations, or seek members of your community who can include your child in the traditions that are familiar to them. These little efforts won't go unnoticed to the child and are so important to showing that you respect them and their birth family.

5. Sensory overload - Christmas is a time of lots of brightness! Lights, sounds, food, loud laughter and talking, new people, new places, unwrapping gifts… same at the 'expectations' point - let your child 'check out' as often as they need. Bring an ipad or book for them to find some quiet with and be flexible with this.
Conversation tip: "I'm going to bring the ipad to Christmas dinner, you're welcome to just tap me on the shoulder if you would like to use it. I've downloaded some of the movies you have been watching at home, so, anytime you want to take it to another room you can."

6. Birth Family - If you are able to offer extra visits, or facilitate phone calls or video calls, this is the time to do it. Help them make cards or purchase small gifts, and remember them at the table if saying grace.
Conversation tip: "Would you like to use these stickers to make a Christmas card for Mum? I can help you, and we can give it to her when you get to see her on Wednesday".

7. Remember to make sure older foster children who have left your care are invited, this will be important to foster children in your home to witness.
Conversation tip: "You've never met Ned, he used to live with us as part of our family too. He was a child in foster care. He is still a part of our family and he will be joining us on Christmas Day".

8. Don’t surprise extended Family. Make sure everyone knows to expect your foster child and please ensure you either bring extra gifts (if you are concerned they will miss out - ie if there was not enough time for family to prepare) or let family know well in advance some suggestions they could purchase as gifts for your foster child.
Conversation tip: "Last night Sadie joined our family! She will be with us over Christmas and as it's late notice, I'll bring some extra gifts for her, please make her feel welcome, just a heads up she'll likely keep her hood on at the dinner table".

9. Keep them Involved - at every stage, allow them to be involved. From helping to choose a tree and decorating, to making food, choosing a vase for the table, choosing a new shirt or dress for the occasion.

10. Allow space for them to ask deeper questions at this time. Often, big celebrations like Christmas will trigger reflections of their own experiences of family and traditions. Remain available, be as honest as you can, don't assume or lie but approach with gentleness and kindness.
Conversation tip: "I'm not sure what your Mum is doing today, and I am sad that she doesn't get to spend Christmas with you. I can see that you are missing her, would you like to paint a picture for her, or should we look at some photos I have of her in my phone? Why don't you tell me about what you did with Mum last Christmas."

10/12/2021

(2/8) Supporting Biological children with foster siblings.

(My biological children have grown with up foster children and so this topic is very close to my heart.
These 8 posts are real questions and statements that have been put before me)

2. "I don’t like how they hurt you."
Biological children are exposed to behaviours that are new to them and this can be frightening, especially when it looks like their parents are on the receiving end of these behaviours. I've been bitten, scratched, spat at and much more. Sometimes it's inevitable that my biological children are witness to this, as much as I try to avoid it. Whilst, as adults, we can see beyond the behaviours to the need.. provide trauma-informed responses and remain calm, it's important to have conversations with biological children about why our foster children might be feeling angry / frustrated / frightened and remind them that lashing out at others might be the only way they know how to express these emotions. With older children you can begin to explain impacts of trauma on brain development, and that the brains of foster children can be so vastly different to theirs, because they have been exposed to significantly unsafe situations. Remind biological children that no matter how scary it looks, you will always keep everyone safe as you continue to share your calm and your love.

08/12/2021

(1/8)
Additions to our previous post on Supporting biological children with foster siblings.

My biological children have grown with up foster children and so this topic is very close to my heart.
The following 8 posts are real questions and statements that have been put before me.
(There are thousands more - this list is just touching the surface when it comes to how we can support our biological children with foster children in the family...I could write a book on this topic alone)

1. "But how do they become foster children?"
It's important to age-appropriately explain why children enter the foster care system. With younger children, you can simply offer 'they can't live at home at the moment so we are going to share our home with them until they can go back'. With older children, this can be explored a little further to something like 'Mum is getting some support to make sure they are able to keep x safe when they return home. While that support takes place, and for as long as it takes, we will be their family and create some really fun memories for them during this time.'

Keep referring to your role as a blessing! to be in a position to help and refrain from criticising biological family -they are most likely doing the best they can with the resources they have.

02/12/2021

Thank you Mamamia!
🙏💕

I loved; hard.

02/12/2021

Biological children with parents who offer foster care play a unique role in the fostering process.

It is one that fascinates me and I believe it to be vital to the sustainability of the placement - and yet it is a role that is often overlooked or unnoticed.

I believe that with thoughtful, open dialogue with biological children regarding their foster siblings (what they can expect, how they can respond, and why, as a family, you're choosing to provide this service) careful consideration for the age groups you will bring in to your home, (and the known trauma they have faced) and then coupled with their supported experience living with foster children (as well as an understanding of the important role they play in their lives) that biological children can:

~ learn to have a better understanding of why people behave in certain ways
~ be more willing to help others ,with a deeper understanding of compassion
~ be more open minded when dealing with people with a trauma history
~ have more enhanced skills when it comes to being a part of a team and making friends
~ experience enhanced gratitude for their family and their life in general
~ feel a greater closeness to their biological family
~ have an enhanced understanding of our community obligation to care for those less fortunate.

Are there risks involved in caring for foster children with biological children?
Yep, for sure. My own children have grown up with foster children and so this is a topic that is very close to my heart. I've seen the good and navigated ways through the challenging.

But… do I believe the benefits can outweigh the risks?
I wholeheartedly do.