20/11/2025
An Occasion To Remember. James Cayce. (c)
In the Outback town of Kowpatt (population 93)
Where very little happens almost constantly
Some townsfolk got together and formed a small committee
To elevate its profile with the tourist industry.
They were looking for an idea they thought would be a winner
A festival of some sort that would be a money spinner.
Something more refined than the throwing of a gumboot
An idea that would separate the wealthy from their loot.
So this motley bunch of locals - you couldn't call them clever
Devised what is probably the dumbest idea - ever.
After much discussion, most of which was drivel
They settled on the notion of - a Film Festival.
The committee that they formed was called the KFC *
(not to be confused with that chicken company)
But like those chicken skinners they were out to make a buck
by luring in some finely-feathered game that they could pluck.
If you've ever been to Kowpatt you'll know just what I mean
When I say its not the grandest Outback town you've ever seen.
And though it had a cinema till 1961
The last film that they showed here was 'Smiley Gets A Gun'.
So the park, it was decided, would make an ideal venue
They studied the logistics, the guest list, the menu.
Forged ahead despite the derision and the scorn
And the inaugural Kowpatt Film Festival was born.
On this small comittee was Gus the local baker,
Beryl the barmaid and Wal the undertaker
And Cecil, he was Chairman, top dog on the list
Kowpatt's longest resident and an old projectionist.
He'd met a lot of film stars in the early days
Erroll Flynn, Slim de Grey even Helen Hayes
He was something of a tyro when it came to film projection
(and the owner of the world's largest navel lint collection).
Now at this point I'd like to take a moment to digress
to introduce this humble man who with his young wife Bess
Came passing through our little town in 1949
And decided then that Kowpatt suited them just fine.
Cec was Kowpatt's butcher now, a softly spoken man
A gentle soul and kindly,. always helping when he can
And no one really knows when his funny habit started
But it must have been around the time his darling Bess deaparted.
It seems he went a little 'soft' or so some people say
Though in a warm and gentle, pleasant-natured way
But when it came to films Cec really knew his stuff
(and was proud of his collection of belly button fluff)
He had lint from some of Hollywood's biggest movie stars
With their names and their photos on their respective jars
Displayed there in his shop for the townsfolk's admiration
And he'd always welcome gratefully any new donation.
Well the big night came at last and the guests were streaming in,
The men all heading for the keg, the ladies for the gin.
The Councillors, the Mayor, the wives in fancy frocks.
The men in scrubbed up Blundstones and even matching socks.
When the glad-handing was over and formalities completed
The audience dispersed and all were duly seated
Waiting for the biggest night Kowpatt's ever seen.
Then a hush quickly descended as light engulfed the screen.
The speakers filled with music, loud and clear and strong
But very quickly Cec could see that something had gone wrong
The picture he had scheduled was called 'A Town Like Alice'
But what was playing on the screen was called 'Debbie Does Dallas'.
Well Cecil, he was horrified, he toppled from his chair,
Knocked his old knee out of place, was left just lying there
While the picture kept on playing with no one to rewind.
But the funny part about it is that no one seemed to mind.
The shock was all too a bit too much for Cecil's dodgy ticker
His tired old soul departed with the film's final flicker.
And while the wag that swapped the reels was duly apprehended
It turned out that the judge was the person least offended.
They buried Cecil and his lint later that November
and all agreed it was indeed an occasion to remember.
* Kowpatt Festival Committee.
