13/06/2026
Today I'm sharing something very personal, but I think there is value in sharing it.
As a parent, it was one of the hardest and most emotional days I've experienced in a long time.
It involves trauma, accountability, consequences, parenting and a young person making a mistake.
I would genuinely love to hear your thoughts and experiences, especially from other parents.
But please remember there are real people behind this story.
My daughter is not a bad person.
I am not a perfect parent.
We are simply human beings navigating a difficult situation the best we can.
Please be kind.
❤️
-----------------------
My daughter is 19 years old.
She is beautiful, talented, kind-hearted and in a few weeks will graduate with a Double Diploma in Beauty Therapy after having to defer her studies for six months. Her future is bright and I could not be more proud of the young woman she is becoming.
But her journey has not been easy.
She is what many would call a parentified child. Not because I wanted her to be, but because Domestic Violence, years of Family Court, trauma, anxiety, depression and PTSD stole parts of her childhood that she should never have had to lose.
While other teenagers were experiencing high school, friendships and freedom, my daughter was fighting battles inside her own mind just to get through the day.
She has come such a long way.
But she still carries a lot of trauma.
She is sensitive.
She worries about the people she loves.
She is fiercely protective of me.
And sometimes she becomes overwhelmed by emotions and impulses she doesn't fully understand herself.
Today we went to one of our favourite places - Salvos.
My daughter and I love op-shopping together. It's something we have always enjoyed doing as mother and daughter and we often visit Salvos stores.
We were happily looking around, finding a few things we wanted to purchase and enjoying our day.
🚩Then everything changed.
A manager approached my daughter and then me, accusing us of stealing.
At first I had absolutely no idea what was happening.
I am 49 years old and have never stolen anything in my life.
The manager became increasingly aggressive and hostile.
We were shown photographs from another Salvos store we had visited weeks earlier.
Then I was told they had rung my partner and he had confirmed our identities.
🚩I was shocked.
Confused.
Angry.
I immediately rang my partner and put him on speaker phone.
His response was simple.
"No one from Salvos has ever called me."
At that point I felt completely blindsided.
I was angry at being accused.
Angry at being treated as though I had somehow participated in or approved of theft.
Angry at the suggestion I had stood by and watched my daughter steal something.
Because if there is one thing I know about myself, it is this:
I am a good mother.
And if I had known something like this had happened, I would have dealt with it immediately.
While all of this was unfolding, my daughter had gone completely white.
🚩She was shaking.
Then she grabbed my arm and said:
"Mum, please come outside. I'll tell you."
I was still in shock.
Still defensive.
Still trying to process what was happening.
But eventually I followed her outside.
🚩And that's when my world stopped.
Through tears, trembling and overwhelming distress, she admitted she had taken a small bag weeks earlier.
Then she said something that broke my heart.
She told me she had felt sick about it ever since.
The guilt had been eating away at her.
She didn't know why she had done it.
She hated herself afterwards.
And then she completely fell apart.
She had a full panic attack.
The colour drained from her face.
She couldn't stop crying.
🚩She was shaking uncontrollably.
In that moment I stopped being angry and became her mother.
Because while I was disappointed, what I was seeing wasn't a young woman trying to get away with something.
I was seeing a traumatised young woman drowning in guilt, shame and fear.
A young woman who had made a poor decision and had been carrying the weight of it ever since.
🚩What she did was wrong.
🚩There is no excuse for stealing.
🚩None.
But there is a difference between an excuse and a reason.
My daughter has never been rebellious.
She has never been a troublemaker.
She has never been the child sneaking out, breaking rules or causing chaos.
In fact, I have often considered myself incredibly lucky as a mother.
Which is why I struggled so much to understand how she could have made this choice.
The only explanation she could give me was:
"I wanted to try the impulse."
And as heartbreaking as that was to hear, I also know the amount of trauma she carries.
I know the years she has spent living in survival mode.
I know the anxiety.
The PTSD.
The hypervigilance.
The emotional exhaustion.
🚩None of that excuses what happened.
But it does remind me that sometimes people make choices that are completely out of character, and often they don't fully understand why themselves.
After many tears, difficult conversations and a lot of reflection, my daughter made a decision.
I wanted her to take responsibility.and she wanted too as well
My partner brought the bag from home
The three of us walked back into the store.
My daughter returned the item.
She apologised.
She accepted responsibility.
Initially the manager was still quite aggressive.
But when she saw how genuinely remorseful my daughter was, her demeanour changed.
She softened.
She acknowledged my daughter's remorse and encouraged her to learn from the mistake and become a better person.
And that's exactly what I believe my daughter will do.
As we stood there, I found myself crying too.
Because I wanted this manager to understand something.
I am not a mother who encourages theft.
I am not a mother who turns a blind eye.
I am a mother who has spent years helping a traumatised child survive things no child should have to survive.
Today my daughter disappointed me.
Today she made a poor decision.
Today she faced consequences.
But today she also showed accountability.
She told the truth.
She returned the item.
She apologised.
She accepted responsibility.
And as hard as this day has been, I am proud of that.
The quote I saw today feels more relevant than ever:
"Hold your child accountable, but don't forget to hold your child gently."
Today I did both.
And perhaps that's what parenting is really about.
Not raising perfect children.
But helping imperfect human beings find their way when they stumble.
